HEART ADVICE: My man is too free with my girlfriends - Daily Nation
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HEART ADVICE: My man is too free with my girlfriends

Saturday February 9 2019

How can I make my man draw boundaries without appearing insecure?

How can I make my man draw boundaries without appearing insecure? PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP 

By MAURICE MATHEKA
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I met this man in a work symposium about six months ago, and I’m excited about the direction my newfound love is taking.

Initially, we used to discuss work-related issues as we are in similar departments in our various organisations until he asked me out.

I’m happy in our relationship but my concern is his extroverted nature. I feel he is too free with my girlfriends. Sometimes he hugs them and his hand lingers on their shoulders or he holds their hands when we are talking.

I raised my concern but he says he is not interested in them and that he only likes them as my friends. How can I make him draw the boundaries without appearing insecure?

 

READERS’ ADVICE

I can tell that you feel so insecure when your new catch hugs your girlfriends. You fear that he will be snatched by the girls. It is common. You must, however, learn to trust your man. There are things you can never change in a man. This may be his way of doing things, and you may start having confrontations out of the same. Let your man enjoy his circle of friends, but mention to him the need to draw boundaries.

Calvin Queens, via mail

If the guy was seriously in love with you, he should have let that behaviour go since you had registered your reservations over it. It's imperative that you let him go because with time, the said "friendship" he is pegging his actions on might blossom into something that might leave you in an awkward situation.

Andrew Kiriago, via mail

 

Accept the fact that your new boyfriend is an extrovert. If he were an introvert, it would take him a leap of faith to hold your hand in public leave alone hug you. Just be at ease and understand that he is so open and free with other girls due to his extroverted nature. Be careful not to force him to change to how you want him to be as you might end up regretting in the future.

Peter Gitau, via mail

 

Expert’s response

This is a classic case of a relationship that is fuelled by insecurities. The one thing that most mature relationships lack is friendship and freedom, which at least you still have.

However, you will kill his attraction to you if you assert these illogical boundaries, which tend to be imprisoning even though people do them in the name of love. Let your man be himself otherwise you will degrade the bond you have.

Caging each other will only lead to resentment and in my experience the love you think keeps you together will never outweigh a relaxed friendship that does not attempt to change one's extroverted character.

You have a young relationship, desist regimental mindsets and concentrate on positive energy otherwise you will push him away.

 

Next week’s dilemma

My husband and I have been married for four years and have a son together. We had agreed that I quit my job to help raise our little boy, and I would look for another job when he gets older. My husband knew I was bored at home so he would take me out every week and buy me surprise gifts every so often. However, in the last three months, he has changed and no longer has time for me. Recently, I discovered he's been cheating on me with a colleague and all that is in my mind is revenge. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me.

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