My man is too short for me!

Q: I have been seeing my guy for about six months now. He’s good, stable and all that… but he is very short. I like how he treats me, and the conversations we have when we are alone together. But I hate being seen in public with him because people stare at us and sometimes I see them laughing. I am usually attracted to tall guys but I decided to break the mould and give this one a chance after a string of heart breaks. I thought I would fall for his personality, but his height makes it hard for me to even be attracted to him. Maurice I know he’s a good man, and I know I should love him, but how do I make myself feel attracted to him? Or rather, how do I stop being so shallow?

READERS REPLY

If your man has all those qualities and you have confessed to us, it’s very wise to live your life.

Everyone has his or her own issues only that they keep them to themselves. Secondly, that’s how God created him and you cannot change that; only character changes. Go on and enjoy your life.

Evans M. Matasia, via email.

It seems the only beef you have with this guy is his height otherwise he has other qualities that you admire. The size of a person adds no value to what matters most in relationships. Integrity is very key in choosing a partner. Please follow your heart and stop paying attention to what others say about your choice. Six months together proves a kind of attraction. Please stop day dreaming. John Wambugu, via email.

You can’t make yourself feel attracted to him or anybody; it’s impossible. That’s like trying to awaken the dead – you either love or don’t. If you keep trying you will cry at the end. Finally, the issue is not about shortness but the fact that you don’t love him. Find love in somebody else. Wycliff Misiocha, via email.

Being short is not a disability; what matters in a relationship is love and care, of which the short guy has. I’ve seen marriages flourish even when one is blind or lame! Secondly if you fear people laughing at you, you don’t have to go out all the time. If he treats you well and takes care of you don’t let him go. Kilo wa Mutua, Kitui.

The previous heartbreaks you experienced should not have led you to fall for your short boyfriend due to limited attraction you have towards short men. But never the less, it already happened and therefore you should try to let him know how you view his height in relation to your relationship. It’s only you and him who need to put this into consideration and forget about other people’s views and how they look at you in public. If he treats you well like you put it then appreciate him as you work on finding mutual attraction. Juma Felix, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

Even though we should be attracted to one’s character and caring attributes above all, we are all guilty of judging one’s physical appearance. Only you can decide what really matters to you without caring what the world thinks. You cannot force attraction especially if you are questioning the man’s height. You need to be true to yourself; if you continue with your relationship worrying about what people will think then you will sabotage any chance of growth and soon enough he will notice what you really think about him which will surely crush him. If you can overlook his height and solely concentrate on how he treats you then you have a chance but if you find that society’s opinion weighs on you heavily then you need to tread carefully before you embark on a journey that will end sooner than later.

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I met a guy a few weeks ago on a phone dating app. We have been chatting well every day but when I say we should meet, he dodges the question. The other day we finally sealed a date; we made all the arrangements but on the day, when I called in the morning to confirm, he not only didn’t answer but went ‘mteja’ after that. He surfaced this week telling me that his friend died around that time and he is sorry to have gone silent, but he wants another chance. The problem is, I don’t trust him to show up and even if I understand about his friend, I don’t even know if he is lying. Should I give him another chance? Or should I proceed with caution?

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