My name is not ‘sweetheart’

Women, we need to stop playing house at the office. Let me explain. It is a workday morning and you are settling in at your shared workspace. A male colleague walks in and says good morning to another male colleague. Then he turns to you and says, “Hello sweetheart.” Or maybe you are at a business meeting with a prospective client. He walks in and shakes hands with the men present and listens while they introduce themselves. When it is your turn, he shakes your hand, smiles and says, “Hello dear.”

Honey, dear, sweetheart, babe, sugar, doll… a lot of women have been on the receiving end of such terms of endearment from men in a professional setting. I have. Many times. While I do not mind them in a social setting, when a man calls me honey in the office, I feel enraged.

First, I find it inappropriate. I think that there is no space for such terms in the boardroom. Second, and more important, I find such terms belittling. These terms liken a woman to things that are sweet and soft, not strong or assertive. The minute a male colleague calls you ‘honey’, the power dynamics in your relationship shift. They stop seeing you as an equal.

The use of terms of endearment at work is a perfect example of gender disparity. Even with the shifting gender roles, women are still a long way off from being seen as able, equal colleagues. Instead, we are cute and cuddly beings to be treated with kid gloves. 

Unhelpful image

This perception adversely affects a woman’s career. Your bosses see you as someone to be protected so they desist from assigning you challenging projects – and as we all know, these challenging projects usually lead to promotions. They may see you as weak or likely to cave in under pressure, so they preserve the promotions and the more demanding jobs for the men.

Sadly, without knowing it, women are enforcing these stereotypes. The most salient way that we do this is by wearing domesticity as a crown. I have nothing against the domesticated woman. I do not despise the woman who enjoys cooking, cleaning or baby-sitting, but I think that at a time when women are still fighting for equal opportunities to work outside the home, domesticity is exactly the image we are trying to fight. When you start feeding people at the office, you are highlighting your femininity and thus doing a disservice to your career. It diverts attention from what you really are – a professional, an executive. 

Reclaim your power

To get back your power in the office, you can do much more than get angry and correct every man who calls you sweetheart. Drop the habits that reinforce negative stereotypes against women. Start by not bringing goodies to the office. Do not be in a hurry to pour tea for your colleagues or to fetch the coffee during meetings. Do not do the dishes in the office kitchen either.

If you are motherly or overly feminine, your colleagues will like you. However, you can be sure that yours will not be the first name that the bosses remember when there is a fresh opening at the top. Nurture your femininity but leave those motherly instincts at the door when you go to work. The ultimate goal is to earn respect, not just to be liked.