Mary and John had been married for two months, but things were not working out for them.
They were going through what they described as a rather embarrassing experience. While dating, their values dictated that they wait for sex until the wedding day.
They were, therefore, excited as the wedding drew to an end and anxiously waited for that historic first night. And when the time came, they both put on their best show.
It was extremely exciting! Soon they were done and as they took deep breaths and relaxed their exhausted bodies, they noticed something rather strange: the mattress was soaked in fresh fluid!
“I was convinced that I had urinated on the bed,” Mary explained when they came to the sexology clinic. “It was quite embarrassing and I apologised to John profusely.”
Mary became very cautious during the next sexual encounters. She did not want to lose control of her senses, lest she wet the bed again.
She avoided getting too aroused and became inactive during sex. In fact, she spent the time nursing anxiety.
As a result, she did not enjoy sex and did not get an orgasm. John took time to reassure her and as she relaxed to start enjoying sex again, she wet the bed!
Two months down the line, Mary had wet the bed three times. These were the times she loosened up and fully enjoyed sex.
The sequence of events was that before she reached orgasm and as well as immediately after, she poured stuff that made the bed wet.
“I just do not know how it happens doctor,” she explained. “When I am fully aroused and get an orgasm, the stuff just pours out; I am so embarrassed. I have to air the bedding in the morning, and the neighbours look at me in a funny way. I am sure my husband is not happy at all.”
Mary’s story reminded me of a hotel in western Uganda. Its beds had mackintoshes and there were spare bed sheets in the room with a notice on the wall saying: “For your comfort, please change the bed sheets after you wet them.”
I later learn that communities from that part of the world poured out copious secretions during sexual climaxing. It was accepted since it was the norm.
“I am convinced that I am abnormal doctor. I need medicine to stop this; you just have to help me,” Mary pleaded desperately.
I assured Mary that she was not abnormal, and was not actually passing urine during sex.
Like the communities in western Uganda, she was pouring out copious secretions at the height of sexual excitement. This is called female ejaculation. It usually happens at the same time as orgasm.
Understanding the response of the female sex organs to sexual excitement is important in understanding female ejaculation.
Other than the clitoris, the most sensitive organ, there is the G-spot that is important in maintaining sexual excitement and orgasm.
The G-spot is a small spongy organ located on the front wall of the vagina. Just like the clitoris, it swells up with blood and other fluids at the height of sexual excitement. When excitement has reached its peak, it causes orgasm to happen.
The difference between the G-spot and the clitoris is that the G-spot has a gland that produces fluid.
This fluid passes into the urethra, the channel through which urine also passes, and is poured out at the height of sexual excitement.
Just like in the male, the woman cannot stop an ejaculation when it starts. “So will I always wet the bed during sex,” Mary asked anxiously. “Should I not just stop sex altogether to avoid this embarrassment?”
Women who get a lot of secretions during sex are actually admired by others and should consider themselves privileged.
It is notable that some women endure dry sex. They cannot get adequate lubrication, leave alone ejaculation.
Although some men might be uncomfortable with too much secretion, generally most men are happy with it.
Mary and women who experience copious ejaculation should, therefore, accept and enjoy their special status.
THE PRICE TO PAY
However, it is important to note that there is always a price to pay for these natural gifts. The bedroom for a woman with copious ejaculation has to be different from other bedrooms.
It is advisable to use a mackintosh on the bed and to change bed sheets every time the bed gets wet.
“But what about John?” Mary interjected. “He might never understand why he has to go through this.”
I had a series of counselling sessions with John. For sure, he was not comfortable with the “bed wetting”.
But after a while, he understood how privileged he was to get a woman who could ejaculate. In our setting, this is a rare occurrence that many women would want to experience.
“That is very reassuring, doctor, and I feel special to have a rare breed of a woman,” John said during our last meeting.
“If other men know what I have, they would be so jealous.” And with that he burst into a staccato laughter as he shook my hand and walked out of the consultation room. The couple has lived happily thereafter.