MY STORY: People think I choose to be overweight

Zelpha Ingasiah, a community resource person, during the interview at Nation Centre, Nairobi, on November 8, 2018. PHOTO | DENNIS ONSONGO

What you need to know:

  • According to my mother, who has since passed on, the only time I was underweight was at birth.

  • At 13, I weighed about 75kg but it wasn’t a big deal to me or my parents mainly because I was very active and bright.

  • But people from the neighbourhood and teachers started making mean jokes about me, and most children avoided playing with me.

Zelpha Ingasiah, 31, has battled obesity all her life. She tells Lilys Njeru why she has realised that the battle is all in her mind.

 

“I don’t remember when I started to add weight because I have always been huge. According to my mother, who has since passed on, the only time I was underweight was at birth. However, what I have carried within me all my 31 years are childhood memories that are filled with ridicule and crazy jokes about my body weight.

MEAN JOKES

“At 13, I weighed about 75kg but it wasn’t a big deal to me or my parents mainly because I was very active and bright. Furthermore, some of my maternal aunts were just as big. However, at some point, people from the neighbourhood and teachers started making mean jokes about me. Most children avoided playing with me with the excuse that being on their team meant losing.

“Whatever people were saying about me – ‘I could be prettier if I was slender’, ‘I don’t look good in children’s clothes’… started getting into my head and I attempted suicide twice, failed, and sunk into depression such that I started hallucinating. I had an imaginary friend who I would play with and engage in a conversation. That friend understood me better than anyone else.

“After completing secondary school, I added more kilos and got to 90kg. A year later, at 20, I got pregnant and my weight increased to 120kg. As a result, my blood pressure went high but returned to normalcy a few months after giving birth.

“In mid-2009, I started having irregular periods, sometimes having heavy flow twice a month. When I sought medication, I was put on a family planning method which only made the situation worse because I ballooned to the extent that people thought I was pregnant. Then, I was 102kg and in less than three months, I had added 10 more kilos.

“The worst thing about being obese is that people assume you are so lazy that you don’t exercise, or you eat a lot of food. People do not understand that you are going through things that you are also trying hard to figure out. I remember of instances where I visited some people and they hid food because they thought I would eat too much of it. Also, it reached a point when I stopped explaining how many exercises I had tried and the failed detox programmes.

“Back then, I used to go for regular check-ups and I was in perfect health except for snoring at night. I was advised to cut the weight if I needed to quit snoring but I kept losing a few then adding more.

CHANGE

“According to the doctor, I needed to change my eating habits – ensure that I eat three meals a day instead of the usual one meal I had been accustomed to. But having come from a home where we only managed one meal in a day, it was a big challenge. I was living with my parents in Majengo and none of us had a stable job. We later got some sources of livelihood, started having three meals a day but the weight remained.

“The greatest challenge I have faced in my weight loss journey is having people keep reminding me just how big I am and how such weight isn’t the social construct of what beautiful is. In 2015, I was carrying out a research and went to a particular primary school for some data. For almost an hour, the head teacher didn’t ask me why I was there. She offered to me weight loss solutions, one after the other. It was such a painful moment. By the time I was getting pregnant again later in the year, I was 120kg.

“When it came to dating, it was not easy because some men came with the suggestion, often said politely, that I needed to lose weight. But I got to a point where I had to embrace myself and redefine my own beauty. I started writing poems about how I felt and what made me beautiful.

“I have accepted that I am overweight but I refuse that to become an impediment in my life. Actually, when I exercise, I am not focused on losing weight but leading a healthy lifestyle. As it is now, I don’t have any health related issues due to the weight and it is many months since I weighed. The last time I weighed I was about 115 kg. According to the doctors, my ideal weight is 58 kg.

“I consider my body my first home and I am happy in it. I have built a wall around me such that I don’t dwell on the negative remarks about my weight. Also, I research a lot about weight and other related issues because I have had people misguide me about obesity and how to lose weight.

“Accepting myself has had a positive impact in various aspects of my life and especially in Majengo where I work as the community resource person. Members of the community have accepted my body and I get more beautiful compliments nowadays. Presently, I am also a student at Tangaza College where I am studying for a diploma in civic and development education. When I meet someone facing social stigma as a result of their weight, I share my story and remind them that self- acceptance is the first step to healing and societal acceptance.”