HEART ADVICE: Should I choose the one who loves me?

Q: I have a crush on a certain man and I told him what I feel for him. On the other hand, I’ve got a man who loves me. I just don't feel him at all.

I'm told love grows with time. I have been so tempted to agree to date this other guy who loves me but still I’ve got feelings for my crush.

The crush has not been online for quite a while and so he has not yet seen my message on WhatsApp.

The guy who loves me is good; I love the fact that I'm his priority and he goes by what I say, and does what I tell him to do, but still my crush is in my heart.

What should I do?

READERS REPLY

Just like a certain man has crush on you and loves you to the core but you don't love him, it is also possible that you also love someone who doesn't love you. I therefore advise that you take your time to understand your feelings and the people in your love circle.

It is possible that what you have for your crush is infatuation that might disappear with time. Also, maybe this guy who loves you is a blessing in disguise for you, or he is just a 'con-lover'.

Please understand that what goes around comes around. You waste a man's time having taken advantage of the fact that he loves you, the other guy will also take advantage once he notices that you love him.

Francis Muriuki, via email.

You have a crush on a guy who knows nothing about it and now you are confused about what to do with the other who loves and adores you.

You need to reflect on what you really want in a relationship to avoid making a grievous mistake. Since your heart is with the crush, give him time to respond to your text.

Do not be in a hurry to date either guy until you are sure of yourself. All the best.

John Wambugu via email.

The way I see it, you will not succeed with any of these two men. The way you feel for the guy who likes you might be the way the guy you like feels about you.

Don’t be so desperate to be in a relationship with just anyone just because they care for you.

Instead, take your time and find a man who returns your feelings the same way you return his. It will be worth the wait.

Susan O, via email.

They say that when you want to settle down, you should choose a man who loves you more than you love him. But at some point you will have to love him if the relationship is to stand the test of time.

I suggest you try to forget about your crush – assume he has a girlfriend – and focus on being friends (only!) with the guy who likes you. Who knows? Perhaps the friendship will blossom into something else.

However, if after getting to know him you still feel nothing for him, the best thing to do will be to let him go so that he can find someone who loves him and deserves him.

Trudie Wanjiku, via email.

MAURICE REPLIES

In my opinion, the minute you are in a relationship where two people are meant to love each other and you feel nothing for your partner, then staying means you are only there for other benefits which I feel is wrong.

The relationship bond that keeps the two of you connected will never be there so you are wasting his time and yours. At some point, he will realise you do not love him and your relationship will collapse.

You have a crush, which means you are the only person with brewing feelings and you need to be prepared for your crush not to feel the same about you. The man who loves you is a sure thing but your crush is a gamble.

You need to be true to yourself and seek out partnership with mutual feelings – which means neither of these men is suitable for you – otherwise I foresee misery for you in the future.

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I was in a relationship with a lady for three years before things went south with her. From then I have tried my hand at countless relationships with no fruits at all.

However, what stands out is that they claim I’m paranoid and distrustful. What could be wrong with me? What should I do right?