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The dates from hell that will make you cringe

Saturday August 24 2019

dating

We’ve all been on those dates when we just aren’t feeling it. Either the chemistry is off, or we aren’t interested in the same thing, or the conversation lags. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP 

JOAN THATIAH
By JOAN THATIAH
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These four women thought they had hit a jackpot until their dates turned into horror shows.

We’ve all been on those dates when we just aren’t feeling it. Either the chemistry is off, or we aren’t interested in the same thing, or the conversation lags.

These meh dates are unpleasant and annoying — especially when we realise we’d rather be at home putting on a facial mask while watching the latest series of This Is Us — and we wonder how we’ll make it through the evening.

But those iffy dates are not what we are speaking about today. We are talking about the dates from pure hell.

Those panic attack-inducing dates where you can’t seem to find a way out, and you wonder if the person sitting next to you has ever been on a date before.

You feel as though there’s nowhere to turn, and you are sure to be scared for life from the experience. These four women have and they shared their horrible experiences.

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The date who tagged along his girlfriend

Peace Thitu, 26, IT technician

My worst date lasted all of five minutes.

I met him on a Kenyan dating site cupid.com. He was good looking, single and looking to mingle; just what I needed at that point. Our chats on the site quickly moved to WhatsApp and then phone calls.

I couldn‘t wait to meet him. We set our date on a lazy Saturday afternoon. I arrived at our rendezvous early, sat at a corner, ordered a glass of juice and waited to size him up as he got in. I was not disappointed when he arrived.

As soon as he had settled in his seat opposite me, a woman shouting all manner of insults stormed into the restaurant and made for our table.

Apparently, Prince Charming was taken and had left his girlfriend doing laundry in his house for an urgent meeting with his boss!

You can imagine the raucous she caused. I could not wait to get away. And the man had the nerve to try to call me after. I now do not go on a date with a man whose availability I cannot verify.

The man who disappeared before the bill

Dorcas Wanjiru, 39, writer

The man with whom I had my worst date with made me believe he was a big fan of my blog Masaibu ya Mwarimu.

He told me he was a banker working in Westlands, Nairobi. He read every one of my blog entries and was eager to meet me. I made him wait for two years before accepting to go on a date with him.

I travelled from Nakuru to meet him. That morning he was keen to know whether I would be bringing my car.

He sounded disappointed when I said that I wasn’t. That should have been my first red flag.

I began feeling uneasy when he set the date in a dingy restaurant downtown so I asked a friend to tag along.

He recommended the fish and then to my horror, suggested that all three of us share one plate.

Things began going downhill when I insisted that each of us should order their own food. He excused himself as soon as the order arrived claiming to be checking something at the counter and that was the last I ever saw or heard of him.

We had to pay for the order. Thankfully, I had just enough money to settle the bill.

It has been exactly a year since. I am very wary of the intentions of people I meet online. And of course when I go on dates, I make sure to order only what I can afford.

The love interest who drove in circles for an eternity

Lynn Hadassah, 22, student

I was an impressionable 20-year-old and he was a predator on the prowl.

The man was a radiologist in a hospital in Mombasa. I met him at a friend’s bachelor party. When he asked me out on a date, I was over the moon. I had bagged a medic!

Come D-day, he called to say he was running late. I tried not to think much of it because doctors are busy people, right?

An hour later, I was still standing at a street corner in the sweltering Mombasa heat.

Angry, I jumped onto a matatu and decided to go home. I was so taken with him that when he called, I allowed him to sweet talk me into alighting from the matatu to continue waiting for him.

When he finally arrived, I was expecting him to drive us to a nice restaurant where he would do everything to make up, but No.

Our first stop was a roadside wines and spirits shop. He jumped out of the car and came back with two cans of Tusker and a box of cheap wine.

HUNGER

Thinking that this was the pre-cursor to the restaurant, I half-heartedly began sipping on the wine.

He drove around for about an hour before finally stopping on mama Ngina drive. This was when I realised that this, right here, was his idea of a date!

I should have left then but I didn’t. I told him I was hungry. He took us on yet another long drive to nowhere in particular during which he tried to kiss me and touch me.

Our drive ended close to midnight in a restaurant that had already closed its kitchen.

I went home hungry and tipsy from cheap wine. I lost seven hours of my life that I will never get back!

The prospective who stole her phone

Mercy Macharia, 27, Counselling psychologist

He told me he was an athlete. We had met in a matatu travelling from Nairobi to Eldoret where I was a student.

He seemed to be in his early 30s, was pleasant and had photos of himself on a track flying the Kenyan flag. I believed him.

All along, I saw him as just one more guy trying his luck with me until he told me that he was looking to buy land in Elgon View, Eldoret.

My uncle sells land in Eldoret and I saw this as an opportunity to broker and make a few coins, so when he asked for my number at the end of the trip, I happily gave it to him.

A few weeks later, we met at a restaurant in Eldoret. Again, he was very pleasant. He told me that his friend would be joining us.

If I had any doubt about his intentions, this cleared it because only honest people let you meet their friends, right? At one point during the date, his phone went off.

When he later asked me to lend him mine so that he could check on his friend who we were waiting for, I thought nothing much of it.

The last time I saw him or my phone was when he stepped out to collect his friend from the entrance. Turns out he was just a petty con man whose bill I also had to foot.

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