The other side of casual sex

Sexuality has evolved, and with this evolution, sexual liaisons that do not require emotional commitments are now more common than ever. Such relationships will usually take certain forms and will have varying terms of engagement.

Types of casual sex – For a start, Dr. Paul Joannides, a psycho-analyst and the author of Guide To getting It On, says that casual sex is not only limited to the popular one night stand. “There are several kinds which include No Strings Attached (NSA), Friends with Benefits (FWB), and Sex with an Ex.

The last kind of sex is bound to happen when partners are still sexually hanging on their exes, and may either end up psychologically aggravating a break up or reviving a past relationship.”

The drive – One of the most quoted reasons for engaging in casual sex is the search for sexual fulfilment without the hustles that are associated with an emotionally committed romantic relationship. This search may occur among singletons or dating and married couples.

“With casual sex, each partner knows that they are not the priority to the other, and that they could very well be running other relationships outside their current sexual one. The only benefits each partner will take away will be non-exclusive recurring sexual or near sexual engagements,” says Aaron Ben-Zeev, the author of In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideologies and Its Victims.

This is echoed by Patrick Musau, a psychologist based in Nairobi. He points out that in a casual sexual liaison, you will hardly open up about your expectations or feelings to each other. “Yours will instead be deemed as sexual liaisons that can be terminated at either partner’s discretion without the heartaches associated with normal break ups,” he says.

Marital infidelity – This presents one of the major downsides of casual sex. Apparently, says Dr. Chris Hart, a psychologist based in Nairobi, one of the most hazardous effects of casual sex is the high likelihood of infidelity in committed long term relationships such as marriage.

“This habit encourages pushes participants into becoming serial cheaters, and sets cheating habits that spill over into long term relationships including marriage,” he says. This will be aggravated if the casual sex is occurring alongside a relationship.

Regret vs confidence – Robert Biswas, the author of The Upside of Your Dark Side says that casual sex will either elicit regret or boost your confidence. For example, you will be more likely to regret a casual sexual encounter if you went through with it under the influence of alcohol.

“Your confidence, though, will be boosted if your one night stand beams with the possibility of a future relationship,” says Biswas. “You will experience less regret whether this relationship is eventually realised or not.”

The imbalance – It is likely that a woman may engage in a casual sex and easily move on where she feels that an attractive guy whom she doesn’t really like is into her.

“Such a woman will be in control of her sexuality and will only be fulfilling, experiencing, and expressing her sexual needs without getting carried away or feeling bad about it,” says Christine Hassler, the author of Expectation Hangover.

Also, the majority of casual sex arrangements often end up with one partner tilting over emotionally. It could be jealousy or inadvertently steering your regular casual sex meet-ups into the borders of a romantic relationship.

“One partner ends up caring more, getting possessive, passionate and lacking both hindsight and foresight on how the casual sex started, how it works and its purpose,” says Seth Meyers, the author of Love Prescription.