My boyfriend left me alone on Valentine’s Day!

Q: My boyfriend of seven months left me alone on Valentine’s Day. He said he was off to watch a football game with his boys – apparently it was a really big day for football – and that he has been romantic all through our seven months so he doesn’t understand why I should make a big deal of him missing this night when I know how important his team is to him. It’s true, he does all those rare things – he buys me flowers for no reason, takes me out to nice dinners, and takes time to be considerate. I appreciate all those things but this was our first Valentine’s and I really wanted to enjoy it with him. It’s a big, big day for me and I can’t help but be hurt and upset. Am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Should I tell him how hurt I am that he ignored me on that day? Oh, he had flowers delivered to my office but in truth, I just really wanted to spend time with him. Please help.

READERS’ ADVICE

You are ungrateful to start with. Valentine is a stupid day; a single day to be with him then it disappears for whole year. You need your boyfriend everyday why push on some western love day when you are entitled to a whole lifetime of happiness? Do you. Thank God you got that bouquet; it’s not necessary. Wycliff Misiocha, via email.

It is ok to be disappointed especially having communicated to your guy about your desires in good time. There seems to have been a clash between two important events that both of you valued highly but separately. Open communication is vital in relationships and you should share your feelings with him to avoid a repeat. You can also explore possibilities of accompanying him while enjoying his football game as you continue to learn from each other. Finally your boyfriend seems to be doing very well and needs appreciation. Don’t allow this isolated incident spoil your otherwise romantic relationship. John Wambugu via email.

Every guy needs time with his boys. It’s amazing how he does things good for you. Let this one be. I know it hurts but at least he cares for you and it’s just a one day event. He may make it up to you. Be patient.

Brians Power, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

In my many years of experience I have found that productive relationships are not based on societal, trendy or romantic norms. In my opinion if indeed your boyfriend is good to you then you should accommodate his interests even if they collide with yours, not because he is superior but because you need to nurture honesty in your relationship based on practical thinking not emotional. It is far beneficial to have a boyfriend who speaks his mind than to have a boyfriend who does everything you ask but also lives a double life that allows him to experience his interests and desires. A man who only pleases you because he has to will at some point get tired and leave. Romance is great but if the actualisation has no rewards for the man, he gradually questions the viability of being romantic.

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I have been seeing my guy for about six months now. He’s good, stable and all that… but he is very short. I like how he treats me, and the conversations we have when we are alone together. But I hate being seen in public with him because people stare at us and sometimes I see them laughing. I am usually attracted to tall guys but I decided to break the mould and give this one a chance after a string of heart breaks. I thought I would fall for his personality, but his height makes it hard for me to even be attracted to him. Maurice I know he’s a good man, and I know I should love him, but how do I make myself feel attracted to him? Or rather, how do I stop being so shallow?