What an awful lunch

Chris and Liz get back on their argument as Liz’s insecurities start to show. ILLUSTRATION| JOSEPH NYAGAH

What you need to know:

  • “I know you, Liz. I know when you start overthinking things. What just happened to shut you down? I know you like the food here so I don’t know why you are not eating except that something must be bothering you.”
  • “It’s nothing, really… I was just thinking about Frank and that encounter we just had.”

I am pushing the rice and lentils around on my plate, thinking morosely about the last time Chris and I dating and how badly it went, when Chris takes a sip of his wine, sets his glass down and gives me a piercing look.

“Ok, what’s the problem now?” he asks me.

“I don’t have a problem,” I feign innocence. It doesn’t work.

“I know you, Liz. I know when you start overthinking things. What just happened to shut you down? I know you like the food here so I don’t know why you are not eating except that something must be bothering you.”

“It’s nothing, really… I was just thinking about Frank and that encounter we just had.”

“Ah, yes,” Chris nods as he assumes an authoritative air about things. “Don’t worry about him. I’ll have a chat with him tomorrow and straighten things out.”

“No, don’t do that,” I say, all the while thinking about how lucky I am to be able to distract him just when he is about to catch me out. “If you talk to Frank then he will never respect me. I have to find a way to make sure he understands who’s boss – and I have to do it myself.”

Chris nods. “As you wish. But if you need my help…”

“I know,” I smile. “I’ll be sure to call on you.”

And then I lapse back to thinking about the situation with Chris and his ex-wife. He left me for her once – is there any chance that it might happen again? And now that I have invested so much emotion and finally managed to give my trust to Chris, what if he breaks my heart?

But isn’t all of life – and love – a risk? Who is to say that anything you attempt – whether a new business or having a child or starting a relationship – will turn out the way you envision it will? Maybe the key is to go all in anyway and hope for the best? ‘But what if I get hurt?’ I mumble to myself, and only realise I have spoken out loud when Chris looks up at me.

“Eh?” he says. “Did you say something?”

“No, no, I was just… you know… thinking.”

He tosses his spoon on top of his curry in mild frustration. “Liz, you really need to learn to open up if something is on your mind. And if it’s bothering you and I can help you fix it, then tell me.”

And so I take a deep breath and confess my latest feelings – that somewhere in the back of my mind, the ghost of his ex-wife still haunts me.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” he says. “She’s far away and she’s not coming back and that’s all there is to it.”

I let the weight of his words sink in; it’s not because he no longer cares about her, it’s because she is far away that he cannot be with her! And I tell him as much.

“Liz, you know sometimes I think you are bent on sabotaging a good thing,” Chris exclaims, exasperated. “If I wanted to be with her I would just move countries – I mean, it’s not like I can’t afford to. And lord knows I miss my girls and I would give anything to be able to see them every day. Why don’t you understand this?”

I nod and swallow the hunk of food in my mouth. “Ok. I understand. Why don’t we just finish this meal and go?”

“I have a better idea,” he says, signaling our waiter, who rushes right over. “Please pack these for us, separate packs, and hand me the bill.” The waiter whisks our plates away and I gulp in surprise and anxiety; I had no intention of letting the afternoon end this prematurely or this way at all, even. “Maybe we can resume this when you finally come to your senses but for now, let me drop you back at the office so you can get your car,” he says sharply.

And that is exactly what he does as we fetch our meals and drive in silence all the way back to the office where I get in my car and drive home as fast as I can. When there, I pick up the phone and do the one thing I can think of right now: I call Jo.