PLAIN TRUTH: Why are toy boys a taboo?

Last week, Justice James Wakiaga christened Joseph Irungu, a suspect in an ongoing murder case, a ‘slay king’.

The reasons given were that the suspect lived in his fiancée’s house, drove her car and doesn’t have a permanent job. His life choices were one of the reasons he was denied bail.

This stirred up a mix of reactions on the streets and on social media, with most people choosing to admonish the young man for living off a woman. The other lot warned independent women to ‘open their eyes’ lest such men take advantage of them. The assumption here seemed to be that a woman in such a relationship must be blind and she needs to be saved.

I disagree with the expectation that every woman wants or needs a long-term relationship. The assumption that all every woman wants a man who will wife her and take care of her is false. Sometimes a woman is looking for something different.

THIS WOMAN'S PROFILE

The kind of woman who willingly and happily dates a toy boy isn’t blind. By toy boy, I mean a man who is younger, less experienced and of a lower financial standing. She is aware of what she is getting into and feels that she is making the best choice for her situation.

This woman isn’t looking for security or status from a relationship with a man. She is both financially and emotionally independent, and only wants companionship or physical relations. And she is aware that if she wasn’t these things, this man would probably have zero interest in her.

We are a society that still believes that men should shoulder all the finances so I get where the raised eyebrows are coming from. This relationship should, however, not be a taboo, especially now that gender roles are merging.

First of all, there are two adults involved. Second, just like any other relationship, even this one is a give-and-take. It’s not only the woman who gives like we seem to believe.

What gets in the way of such relationships is lies – lies to other person about what we are bringing to the table and lies to ourselves about what we expect from them. A relationship with a toy boy will work if both parties are honest about their arrangement.

There is a woman with money to spend who has no qualms about being the sole provider looking for love. And then there is a man who is happy to do nothing but please her. She gets her need for love and adoration met while he gets someone to put food in his stomach and shoes on his feet.

It may seem like an unbalanced arrangement but if neither of them is complaining, why are we?