A woman called me the other morning in a fix. Her relationship is dead.
It was all roses and chocolates, in the beginning, then her husband flew out of the country for work and the silence began.
He would go weeks without communicating, turning his phone off at night. And when she caught him in a lie, he finally admitted that he was seeing other people.
Through all this, she had two babies with him – don't ask. Last month, after the Covid-19 pandemic, he came home. Right after his wandering ways.
She knows she should leave. So why was she calling? He won't let her. I thought he had threatened her, but no.
Apparently, in the morning when she first packed up to leave he begged her to stay, made grand promises. Now she's conflicted.
Why won't he let me go if he doesn't want me? She asked. My response? I think that this man just loves having control over her and he is still making demands because she lets him.
It's interesting how, when it comes to love, common sense is not always common.
A woman will get in a relationship with a man who, somewhere along the way, will do things to show her that he doesn't want to be with her, at least not in the long-term.
But there will be benefits for him in being with her be it sex, cleaned-up after and cooked for, or as is common these days, being financially taken care of. So he will blow hot and cold.
He will show her exactly how little she means to him but if she wants to leave, he will say nice things to make her stay.
Many women, like the woman who called me, let these sweet words and text messages become the chains that keep them in a relationship that is just taking from them and going nowhere.
Here's the plain truth: just like they sometimes say things they do not mean, men chase women they have no intention of keeping all the time.
Just because he is chasing you doesn't mean that he wants to have a serious relationship with you.
And just because he begs you not to leave him in the middle of the night doesn't mean that he thinks the relationship is good or that he wants a happy ever after with you.
It's possible that chasing you is just convenient and easy. And he keeps calling because he doesn't want to burn bridges. Who knows when he might need someone to call for some hanky panky, right?
Being an adult woman is taking charge of her life. You are not a toy for someone to pick up and then drop when they see a shinier toy only to pick you up when they realise that the other toy belongs to someone else.
It's not up to the person you are dating or married to to decide when you should leave a relationship.
Don't let lies put you on a leash. Stop dwelling on the fact that he apologised, that he tried to act nicer for a few days or even that he still found other ways to contact you after you blocked him. If he treats you like you don't matter to him, you do not.