Why is my wife ignoring me?

Wednesday March 18 2020
Mat

My wife stopped calling me and when I call her she responds coldly. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP

By MAURICE MATHEKA

Q: I live in Kisii and I am married with two children. My wife got a job in Nairobi and left my children here with her parents because of the nature of my work.

I have talked to my parents-in-law and they have agreed to give me the children as soon as they close school so that they can stay with me.

My biggest worry is that my wife stopped calling me. When I call her she responds coldly. What do I do?

 

READERS REPLY:

I'm sorry for what you are going through. You're bothered about being separated from your family, both children and wife; I’m sorry, I know it’s not easy. Try to meet your wife and talk about it when you aren't tired and famished. Find out why the cold treatment. It might not be infidelity on her part.

Being away from each other, you have to ensure you have good communication otherwise you will be sliced by another man. Remember, your relationship is going to affect your children. If you need professional help, go for it! All the best. Mercy Baiyenia, via email.

 

Well, long distance relationships can be a bit challenging for many couples. It’s more challenging when communication becomes difficult as is currently happening to you.

First, travel to Nairobi and have some time with your wife so that you can learn why she is unwilling to talk to you.

After talking to her, go to your parents-in-law and take your children so that you can spend time with them over the holiday. Just be a good dad despite the challenges you are facing. Dennis Kangwana, via email.

 

Having been married to your wife and got two children means this is somebody you know well and if she makes any adjustments in terms of how she communicates with you, you can easily try to speculate where the problem could be. So it is important to be polite with her and let her make you understand where the problem is.

She might be going through a phase that is hard for her to open up and let you know. So you only need to persuade her with gentleness and I believe she will be open to you.

If it becomes too hard for your communication to flow, then you can consider involving a close relative to help you understand where the problem is.

Juma Felix, via email.

 

MAURICE REPLIES

In my opinion you need to find a way to sit down and have a face-to-face conversation with your wife to hash out the basic issue.

The reason I say this is because you can sit there and speculate about what she is up to – maybe she is cheating on you, or maybe work is stressing her – but until you hear it from her, you cannot be sure whether the reason she has gone silent is something you can fix or whether it is hers alone to handle.

Either way, travel to Nairobi, find her and have that sit down. After that, following what you discuss, you can decide on a way forward that makes both of you happy.

But until you have that face-to-face meeting, I would not recommend pushing the point on the phone; a lot of nonverbal communication gets lost in translation when we use these modern-day gadgets.