HEART ADVICE: Why won’t he put a ring on it?

I live with my boyfriend of five years. We have a two-year-old child. He takes care of all the bills and takes care of us well, except for one thing: I really want us to formalise our relationship with a wedding and some traditional ceremonies, but he keeps saying that he is not ‘ready’. He won’t tell me whether that means financially ready or otherwise. How do I make him walk me down the aisle? I have been dreaming about my big day forever.

READERS REPLY

Five years is a long time without being asked a hand in marriage. It’s not a surprise that he is dating another woman and he is planning to marry her. Have a serious conversation with him. After his response, you will be able to know the way forward. If he tells you that he is not ready to marry you, you will have two choices 1. Hang in there and hope that he comes back to his senses. 2. Break up with him. If you choose number one, you will end up regretting, disappointed and eventually find yourself in the dating scene scared and bitter. So make a good decision. Sarah K Jane

It sounds like you are pressing your man to formalise your relationship or move it to the next level which is marriage. Please note, if your man loves you and I guess he does from the evidence you are giving, he will not hesitate to settle down with you. Give him time to make formal arrangements. You do not need to sound too nagging because this will only push him away. Juma Felix

Planning for a wedding is never a walk in the park. That is what could be scaring him. How about suggesting to him that you exchange vows at the Attorney General’s office? But for now, don’t push your fantasies on him as long as he is responsible. Marvin Chris

This man should not continue wasting your time. Maybe it’s time for a serious conversation about the next step that the two of you need to take. If this man won’t put a ring on your finger because he can’t see the value in you as a woman and in the relationship you’ve built, then it is my opinion that you move on. Janet Kagai

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MAURICE REPLIES

The answer is simple, never ever force a man to marry you. Many women who have forced this issue gained a husband but lost the man completely. Which means you gain a title in society but you kill your bond with your man. Apart from your longing to be married, if you can confidently state that you are happy in your relationship, then that should be enough until the day your man willingly asks you to marry him. There are plenty of wives who gained a wedding but no longer have a man who is physically there and yet they say they have a husband. Many regret rushing into marriage. Do not subscribe to that statistic. When he is ready, let him propose at his own timing.