HEART ADVICE: Will distance end my relationship?

Q: My man of one year is about to go to a foreign country on another continent for studies. We love each other very much. For the past year, we have spent most of our time together. I don’t know how I will survive while he is gone. He will only be gone for a year but I hear many people say that long distance relationships are doomed.

Should I break up with him and let him know that when he returns, we can see if we’re still interested in each other? If not, how can we make our long distance relationship a fruitful one? I appreciate any advice.

READERS REPLY

The thought of you breaking up with your man simply because he is going to be away for studies should not cross your mind. Having dated for one year means both of you know each other, you know what keeps you moving and the trust level you have for each other. So it's all about keeping open communication with him without listening to what other people say about long distance relationships. There might be other underlying challenges that will accrue as a result of the distance, but it's only the two of you who knows how well you will handle them based on your level of understanding each other.

Juma Felix, via email.

Long distance relationship work but call for constant communication, trust and faithfulness. His traveling to another continent for a year should not be the reason for your break up if you guys truly love each other. True love conquers everything, moves mountains and crosses the oceans. You are lucky we have social media apps that will facilitate voice and video calls. The only secret is, ensure constant communication and continue igniting your love. Good luck.

Calvin Queens, via email.

I think it is unfair to take what people say as the gospel truth. Not all long distance relationships fail. Your man will be away for only one year which is not long enough to cause a break up especially since you love each other dearly. Unless you have other reasons that you have not disclosed, I would suggest you wait for him but keep communicating. Ask yourself how you would like him treat you were you the one travelling. 

John Wambugu via email.

Talk to your man and let him know about your fears concerning the long distance relationship. You should not break a relationship because your man will be away for one year. Long distance relationships can work; it all depends with how you perceive it. 

Dennis Kangwana, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

The truth of the matter is that love between two people is never guaranteed to survive; however, I would advise that you maintain your relationship despite him travelling and that you make sure you sustain a healthy non-confrontational communication. Keep constant communication to nurture your bond but refrain from investigative conversations that reflect insecurities. That is one reason why long distance relationships collapse, when one party feels they have to explain their every move. Trust in each other and if anything, consider a mutual pact where if things are not working for either of you, you disclose and break it off without hard feelings.

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I really love my boyfriend and he says he loves me too. We have been dating for nearly a year now. We’re friends on Instagram, and one thing disturbs me; I notice that he can’t stop flirting with the girls he interacts with on Instagram. He says I have nothing to worry about, that it’s just harmless banter, but it bothers me. I don’t know whether to take that as a red flag and leave him or whether to ignore it and try not to stress about it. Is this flirting an indication of his lack of seriousness? Should I move on or should I continue to let him know my worries?