Will my ex-girlfriend take me back?

I have tried my luck in falling in love many times but I get disappointed. In 2014 I fell in love with a girl and luckily, we both grew in love.

After two years, my love for the bottle and bad company brought issues in our relationship. We had issues until 2017 when she called it off.

I thought I would get over it but the truth is that I love her. I went to seek professional help to quit the bottle and concentrate on my business.

I told her about it and she was happy. I said that I realised my mistakes, but she is not ready to take me back. She says she can’t trust me again. I try regular communication with her but there are barriers. I deeply love her. I need your help getting her back.

READERS REPLY:

Men and women are different. When a couple breaks up, the man might still harbour some feelings but trust me, when a woman moves on it’s a done deal. The bottle cost you your relationship; learn to live with it, move on and try to prevent a recurrence. There’s no getting her back; move on brother. Japhet Mumbere, via email.

That you sought professional help meaning you really desire healing. Your ex appears not truly convinced that you are ready for a serious relationship and needs more time. You need to demonstrate to her that you have changed so that her trust can start to grow again. To win her confidence, you need to drop the bad company and stop drinking. Please do not rush her but give her time. John Wambugu, via email.

It’s quite commendable that you’ve realised your problem. I also commend you for the step that you took in seeking professional counselling. And though I sympathise with you regarding your partner, look at things from her point of view. My experience with alcoholics is that they almost always break their promises and that’s why your partner might be avoiding a reunion as she doesn’t trust you from experience. However, if you are sure deep down that you’re free from addiction, it would be a matter of time before she comes back for she’ll surely notice a difference in you. Be patient. Kitui Wakape, via email.

I must commend you for seeking professional help to stop the bottle; that’s how change begins.  But make sure you are not doing it just to win her back then go back to your old ways! What are you intending to do with the bad company though? Most ladies generally love the chase; just be consistent and if the change in your life is evident, she might budge and give you another chance. However, know when to stop pursuing her especially if she’s categorical that she won’t take you back. If she has moved on, then also move on with your life, learn from your mistakes, concentrate on your business and focus on building yourself; it won’t be long before you find love again. Albert Omuko, via email.

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EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

I would advise that you grant her space so she can also figure out what she wants. The notion of falling in love is great but you need to maintain a lifestyle that encourages your partner to want to be with you.

It was a good move for you to seek help but you need to understand that there are no guarantees when it comes to matters of the heart.

Concentrate on self-development and at some point you will most likely find love, whether it is with your ex or not. You speak of barriers; whatever they are, you need to let her be and if she wants to, she will come back to you. 

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA: I broke up with my ex two years ago but I find myself thinking about him. We are friends and sometimes we start blaming each other on who made the relationship come to an end. He doesn’t like seeing me when I look dull and when I am down, and I don’t like to see him unhappy either. I love him and want him back. What do I do? Please help.