You are most vulnerable when starved of affection

Monday August 05 2019

When you have come from a long-term monogamous relationship, every man that looks your way will seem desirable. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP


You are going through a dry spell, or you just broke-up or perhaps you crave that feeling of being loved; honey, this is not the right time to get that man. Chill out.

Most women have that one person, or more, in their past who they are not proud to have dated.

Men who, if they (the woman) had a second chance to change things, they would go back to that day their paths crossed and stay in bed instead.

For a lot of women, it’s a man whose character they judged poorly, a man who went running around town with a dozen other starlets while she was busy playing wifey.

For some, it was the good looking man who turned out to be a bum and con, or the quiet one who she realised was a thug many months in. Mine is a violent narcissist who nearly killed me.



If you’ve had relations you wish you could undo, look back to the time that you met him. What was happening in your life?

Chances are that you had just come out of a long-term relationship or a marriage, had just come from a period of self-proclaimed celibacy or … dry spell.

What I have learnt these past few years is that sex or love-starved women often make horrible choices in men.

I like to think of this relationship as similar to the one we have with food. What happens when you are famished? The only smell your nose catches is junk food.

Intermittent fasting is all the rage in our health and wellness circles at the moment. I have jumped onto the fasting bandwagon because … why not? Now here is the hard part, all I fantasise about these days is a big plate of chips.

It’s the same thing with a hunger for men. When you have come from a long-term monogamous relationship, hanging out at the club every night is probably not the best idea.


Every man that looks your way will seem desirable. Everyone that tries to chat you up will be irresistible.

The deprivation period is what makes many women get back with their unpleasant exes. Or have one night stands or unprotected sex with men they would otherwise never have been seen crossing the street with.

If you must go to the bar, or to that party, or to all those other places that women on the prowl go these days, take along one of those friends who will mother hen you and pack you off to sleep when you start smiling at the ogres masked as angels.

Even then, I can’t promise that bad choices will not be made. We all know that there is nothing with a stronger will than an infatuated woman!

There is a lot of sense in taking things slow especially at the beginning of a liaison. If you’ve just met someone new and just thinking of him gives you the illusion of walking on clouds, step on the brakes.

Resist the urge to be with him every waking moment. Just give it a little time and the rose-coloured lenses will fall off and he will not be so perfect anymore.

If you are sex or love-hungry, give it a little time before going to a buffet.