You don’t belong to him until you say 'I do'

Last Saturday, this man, a friend of a friend, had his traditional wedding so known as Ngurario.

The excitement that should have been was toned down by anxiety that his ex might show up to cause drama. You see, the two of them, the man and the ex, have been ‘together’ for close to a decade.

He was married to another woman when the said ex met him. He warmed his way into her heart, told her all those things that married men tell women they are trying to sleep with.

‘Oh, I don’t sleep in the same bedroom with my wife. It is you I love. I am only with her because of the children. Of course, I am going to leave her for you, just have my baby first.’ And so she did.

Of course, he disappeared as soon as she told him she was pregnant. He reappeared a couple of years later with a different set of lies.

She fell for them again, began bedding him and got pregnant a second time. He disappeared again.

BE WISE

Now, according to her friends, she feels very betrayed that she kept herself for him all these years and he is now marrying someone else.

That any woman over 25 can fall for the flimsy lies of a married man is bad enough. That she can keep having babies with a man who keeps disappearing is even worse.

What I can’t wrap my head around is why she would exit the dating scene and commit to a man who is clearly not interested in her.

If I had a bob for every time I heard a woman gush about how a man she just met was marriage material, I would be rich.

We have all heard about dating with a purpose. You know, getting into relationships with the intention of marriage.

Too many women are making this mistake; seeing every man they go on a coffee date with as a potential husband.

Truth is, not all relationships are meant to lead to marriage, and certainly not all dates should lead into long-term partnerships.

DATING

Have fun dating. When you head out, do so with the intention of meeting as many interesting men as possible. This way, you will not be overly excited at the first one that smiles your way.

Not very long ago, a friend was torn between staying in the country in a job she hated and going to a neighbouring country to one that she was sure she would love.

Her reason? A man she had been dating who had shown no signs of commitment to her or their relationship.

When I asked her what she thought he would do given such a chance, she was sure he wouldn’t think twice about leaving.

She left eventually and he promptly moved in with another woman he had been dating all along. She shouldn’t have had a dilemma at all.

Don’t take yourself off the market just yet. Keep going on dates until you find that one man that’s worth focusing on.

Just because you have been on a few dates with some man does not mean you should turn down that phone number from another.

Stop getting excited on the first bite. Sample the rest of the buffet.