Your child doesn't need to meet every man you date

Contrary to popular belief, men and women can be just friends. These friendships across the genders are important. In fact, all women, both single and taken, should invest in these friendships. They will help minimise your gender biases. That said, your child doesn’t need to meet every man you meet.

SLEEP OVERS

This woman I know, an acquaintance, just got back from a getaway over Easter with a man she just met and her 10-year-old son. Of course the man paid for the trip. And she came back with bags of goodies too which he also bought trying to worm his way into her and the lad’s heart.

She sees nothing wrong with this scenario. When asked, she says that she wants her son, her 10-year-old who watches her have numerous sleep overs with different men in her house, to know that it is healthy to have friendships with the opposite sex.

I say stop. Just stop. There is a big difference between a woman raising a boy on her own availing strong male role models to him and when a mother exposes her child to all her sexual and romantic indiscretions. While the former is beneficial, all that the latter can do is warp his idea of love. And your child can tell the difference between the two. They are smarter than we give them credit for.

If solo parents keep bringing around men to their homes that they are just casually dating, we should not act surprised if a few years down the line we have a generation of men who are anxious, insecure an unable to commit. And a generation of women who just can’t be single.

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

There are so many reasons why you should keep your child from your loose dates. First of all, why do you want to take your child along on the emotional upheavals that characterise most relationships today? That low-commitment, only good for the money man that you bring around the house, even if they don’t ask after him all the time, your child gets attached to him.

It will be destabilising when they leave. What you might not be paying attention to is the fact that none of the gifts this man will buy will be worth the emotional damage that is done at the end.

And do we even stop to think about the predators? As that new man showers your child with praise and pricey gifts, do you stop to think that he could be grooming him or her for abuse? You have a duty to keep your child safe and you can’t be too careful these days.

CHOICES

I am all for liberation and freedom to do whatever tickles your fancy as long as it’s not disruptive of the lives of others. If you want to date as soon as the separation is effected, go for it. If you like to casually date more than one person at a time, there is nothing wrong with this.

If, however, you are mother, do not make this choice for your child.

Meeting your child should never be used as a trick to get a man to spend on you. If you ask me, it’s a right that should be earned.