What do you look for when you flip through the obituaries? Are you curious about what careers these people were in? Where they worked? The positions they held in the society? What ethnic community they belong to? We hold the above things as important to us and in the process, we forget the more important things. Like how many lives a person touched, how many people loved him or her, how they lived their lives.
We go about our love lives the same way. Misguided about the things that are really important in life, we focus all our energies on our careers. Our careers become the things that define us. Then we start imagining that since we have worked so hard at getting where we are in these careers, everything else should work itself out.
I was watching a dating reality show the other day. All those first dates seemed like business meetings. So what do you do? How big is your company? Why did you start that company? How much do you make (imagine!) on and on the questions went as men and women obviously ticked off their checklists. The people on the receiving end also seemed to expect them.
I think this is where we are going wrong, this is why we have so many non-functioning relationships. So many marriages that are over even before they start. We do not know the important things about our significant others.
We are treating dates as job interviews, as sessions to uncomfortably sit through and talk about your academic and professional achievements all the while hoping that you are saying the right things. Career talk can be a great ice breaker but it should not be the basis on which you date.
True, your job and your career say a significant deal about who you are. How good you are at your job, however, will not always speak about your potential as a romantic partner.
What happened to the good old days when dates were opportunities to let your hair down and really get to know your love interest? If it is important to you, then by all means, look for a man who makes a good living. There is nothing wrong with that. Do not however forget to also look for a man who is a good relationship partner, loving, attentive and gentle. One should not replace the other.
If you are dating in the New Year, try letting your hair down. Leave your work at work, try letting your hair down, turn off your phone.
And leave that mental checklist at home too. As long as he is old enough, has a job and doesn’t live with his mother, take time to know him. He just might be what you need.