HEART ADVICE: I don’t trust my husband anymore

Friday December 29 2017

Picture of a sad couple.

Picture of a sad couple. This week, a woman whose man has confessed he cheated on her a year ago is wondering whether she should break up with him. Photo/FILE 

By MAURICE MATHEKA
More by this Author

Q:  My partner and I broke up for six months about a year ago. Recently, we got back together and rededicated ourselves to our relationship. We also decided to be totally honest with each other about what we had learned and been through during those months we were apart. Well, he confessed that he had a relationship with another woman during that time. It only lasted about four months, and he says it wasn’t serious. However, I can’t help feeling like he betrayed me. He has never cheated on me before or since, but I still don’t trust him. I feel as if he might still have feelings for the other woman. Am I justified in feeling like this? And more important, should I break up with him?

 

READERS' ADVICE:

Be grateful that your partner was bold and honest enough to let you know what transpired when you were apart. This means that he trusts you. If you believe you have a future together, it’s time you forgot what happened and start working on building your relationship. You have learned a lot in the process and therefore both of you should correct where you went wrong to ensure you don’t repeat the same mistake lest you find yourself with the same predicament. Juma Felix

 

Ladies, what do you want from men? Once you get the right man, you are still insecure. Once you get a man who cheats on you, you still complain.  Godffrey Kilai

 

Appreciate the fact that he admitted having an affair, which was not wrong seeing that you guys had broken up. After all, he has learnt from the experience. Nurture your relationship lest you lose him for good. Nandako Ann

 

 

I think you should just move on. Staying in a relationship where you can’t trust your man is unhealthy. Alice Mumbe

 

What was the reason that led to your separation before reconciling? What was the reason for your reconciliation? If you have answers to these questions, then you have the solution to your relationship problems. You have not shared your part, you have only shared his part. I believe he’s sincere with you but you are not. Duncan Royal Class

 

 

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

In my opinion, your partner committed no wrong in dating another woman considering you had broken up. I also feel as if you have your own insecurities that you need to resolve, otherwise you will sabotage your relationship. It is totally unacceptable for you to mutually agree on telling each other the truth and when your partner opens up, you begin to doubt him. You are lucky that you have a man who is willing to disclose everything, which translates to a man who feels he can trust you enough to share the truth. If you continue on your current path of distrust, you will breed a serial liar. Appreciate your man and concentrate on nurturing your newly-found bond so that your relationship can be better than before.

 

***

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I am 35 years old and I have been married for five years. In the beginning, my relationship with my husband was full of excitement and new things. Lately though, it has become really boring. Every day feels the same. Sex has become just another chore rather than something I look forward to. I don’t know if this is normal, or if I have fallen out of love with him. Is my relationship unsalvageable? Should I stay and work on it? If so, how can we progress and bring back those old feelings? Please advise.