THE PLAIN TRUTH: If he wants more, he will show you

The other day, a woman in her early 20s sent me a direct message on a social media site. She was distressed. Could I send her my number? Deciding that she was harmless, I did. She called me in tears. A man she had been dating for a little under four years had broken up with her the day before.

He had told her that while she had been a great girlfriend, he didn’t see a future with her. Beginning to get impatient with the weeping, I wondered aloud what the problem was.

“I don’t know what he wants. How can I get him to stop talking like this?”

You can’t. You shouldn’t want to. He already told you clearly what he wants. You can only hear him, I told her. I told her this over and over, using different phrases.

I am not sure that I got through to her. Maybe she is still racking her brain for one if those stupid tricks that women sometimes use to get men to commit, like seducing him even after he has stated his intentions, and intentionally falling pregnant. I hope that she isn’t.

If you ask me, the only problem this young woman, as many women do is that she wasn’t hearing this man. He had told his truth but because it wasn’t what she wanted to hear, she was rejecting it.

This situation right here is why we have so many women jaded, bitter women. Why we have women swearing that all men will lie and hurt you.

WE NEED TO STOP

We need to stop. If a man tells you that all he is looking for is random play, stop imagining the pitter patter of little feet on your floors. If he tells you that he is on the rebound, hear him.

If he tells you that he does not see a future with you, don’t keep sleeping with him, cleaning after him and cooking for him. Stop trying to turn an honest man into the man who left you.

To be fair, some men, especially those looking for casual relations, will lie. I don’t know why, in 2018, someone thinks that they need to lie and manipulate someone to get them into a casual relationship.

The truth is, no matter what you are looking for in the relationships scene, there is someone out there looking for the same exact thing. You just need to be honest.

So listen and more important, observe his actions. It’s true, these are often more sincere than words. Do not believe that you are the love of his life if he will not go out with you in public.

Don’t believe that it’s an important relationship if you only see him after hours from Monday to Thursday but his weekends are reserved for other people.

Push him. Hold out on a commitment to see that he will actually practice what he preaches, that what he says matches his actions. Do not give someone a free pass to your heart or life.