I’m in love with my side lover

Hi,

Please keep me anonymous. I have been married for five years. My husband is okay but he is not great in bed. I have been having a very exciting side relationship with a much younger man I met in church.

I can’t be with him because my husband is a great provider and father, and this young man is unstable and likely to want children in future, which I can’t give him.

But I am in love with him and very jealous of his movements when he is not near me. My best friend, who is single and also attends the same church, recently told me that she has met someone she has fallen in love with – and when she showed me his social media profile, it turned out to be my side piece! I am so upset.

I don’t know whether to dump him or tell my best friend the sordid truth. What should I do? I don’t want our arrangement to end.

READERS’ REPLY

If you feel your man is not satisfying you in bed, consider that he could be feeling the same. It's good you communicate about how you feel about each other. Professional help could sort this out; look for a sex therapist. Otherwise how long will you continue with Ben 10 life? What if your kids find out this? Are you a role model to any one? You have the answers; set your goals out in order to have a happy marriage life. Mercy Baiyenia, via email.

Your husband in one way or another might have failed to make you feel like a woman. As confirmed there might be little affection other than his ability to act as a great husband and father figure. But this doesn't justify you having a side piece. The exciting side relationship you have is going to affect your marriage because I believe it won't take forever for your husband to find out. So consider being open with your man. Lay down all the challenges and his weakness in an amicable way and talk it out. You can involve a counsellor to help you get a solution. Juma Felix, via email.

Even if women are believed to be multitaskers, pick one struggle, lady, and in my opinion, pick your husband and let him know how you want it since you don't get satisfied. Go ahead and tell your best friend about the church guy; she will later on make a choice as to whether she will continue to love him or not. Azangalala Christabel, via email.

You are in a relationship with a younger guy and you are married, yet you are jealous of his moves?! You think that you will blindfold him to hang along with you for sexual satisfaction for the rest of your life? This guy has a life too. He has the desire to start a family just like you. So save yourself the embarrassment and let the guy have a life of his own. Stick to your marriage and give your husband the best he deserves. Calvin Queens, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

It is important to remember that you are a married woman who decided to have a side dish due to your husband’s lack of between-the-sheets prowess.

As you have stated, you cannot leave your husband because he is a good provider and at the same time you wish to gain sexual favours from your side dish.

As for your side dish, you are his thrill so it is unrealistic to expect exclusivity that you yourself can never offer him.

The younger man is like your favourite food outlet but you must be prepared to share with others who occasion his delights.

Trying to fend off other women from him will most likely make you the less attractive. You can either leave or stay, but don’t be naive enough to want him all to yourself.