I don’t trust my boyfriend at all

I'm just two months old in this relationship. Anytime I visit my boyfriend he puts his phone on airplane mode. This has really disturbed me, sometimes thinking that he's avoiding other ladies from contacting him.

I have not asked him about this because I feel he would think I disrespect him by going through his phone.

The other thing is that this guy loves to swim and he goes swimming with his male friends. I once asked him if I should also join them; he says that there are usually lots of men and a few tomboy ladies and so I would be uncomfortable and proposed that we go just the two of us.

Lastly there is a lady friend of his I hate so much. We agreed that I shouldn't hug a man neither should he hug a lady. But still anytime we pass that area where she owns a shop, he hugs her. I've confronted him about this and he says that he doesn't want the lady to feel that he has changed.

I told him that these are very lame reasons. Also, he has never put my picture up on his profile. Please help.

READERS' REPLY

Your relationship is just two months old and you have all these problems! It's always good to understand the psychological you. One is either a jealous type or a territorial type when it comes to relationship or marriage. From what you have told us, you're a jealous type. It's good your boyfriend understands who you are so as to avoid doing things that makes you jealous, that's is if he really loves you. Allow yourselves to have good communication when not tired and famished. You also need professional help to dig out other issues affecting you.

Mercy Baiyenia, via email.

I feel that two months is too early for you guys to have restrictions. One thing you should have in mind is that you can never change your partner; rather, you have to conform with his character. As to having his phone on airplane mode is a clear indication that he is having late night calls, which might be from other ladies. I would advise that you organise a weekend getaway, or even a lunch or dinner date, and table all the issues bugging you. Make him understand that these issues are really hurting you and might tear you apart. Let him choose if he indeed wants you, or he's just preying on you and taking you for a ride. Calvin Queens, via email.

It's wrong for him to put his phone on airplane mode whenever you're around. Talk to him and let him explain why he's doing it. Hugging a girl in front of you is total disrespect. However, give your man some space. Let him go swimming with fellow men. His profile is private, why should he put your picture anyway? That’s a non-issue.

Dennis Kangwana, via email.

Two months is such a short time to make so many demands on a guy. Certainly your friend had other friends both male and female before you met. Allow him space to deal with them his way as your relationship continues to grow. You need not be so suspicious of every move your friend makes. This demonstrates insecurity. Remember, he is also learning you and too many demands may frustrate growth. Courtship requires patience with open communication. I suggest you go slow on your demands to enable healthy growth in the relationship. All the best.

John Wambugu via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

With all due respect. I have a feeling that your relationship will self-destruct even before it takes shape. I do not advocate for people to watch over their partners or micromanage each other to the point it becomes imprisoning more than fun.

Your relationship is too young for you both to cement such boundaries.

You can never have harmony in a relationship by taking exclusivity over board. In my strong opinion your relationship is currently fuelled by insecurities which means your foundation is weak and will collapse despite your efforts to control each other.

I also think your man is testing the waters before determining his degree of exclusivity with you.

Focus on your personal appeal to him, what makes you relevant instead of attempting to manage his friends and lifestyle otherwise you will soon embark on a journey of misery of which he will adapt to by having a separate life.