Why won’t my wife join my faith?
The other day we finally sealed a date; we made all the arrangements but on the day, when I called in the morning to confirm, he not only didn’t answer but went ‘mteja’ after that. PHOTO | FILE
Q: I have been married for a number of years and we have two sons. I am a Catholic and my wife Protestant. When we were dating, we did not have any problem with our different faiths. But I have been asking her to become a Catholic because I am her husband and as you know, the wife always joins the religion of the husband.
The problem is she looks so disinterested in my religious practice. I try as much to teach my kids about my religion but she makes it very hard. I am getting frustrated by the day.
This problem is threatening our marriage and I would not like us to separate because our children would go the opposite direction and obviously join her religion.
A: When you were dating you agreed religion was not an issue. Please note that what you agreed before marriage is very hard to change afterwards.
It looks like you were not sincere when you agreed with your wife that religious differences did not matter in your union – you knew in the back of your mind they did and in your secrets thoughts, you assumed you could change her.
That was wrong. The truth is your wife might only have accepted to be in this marriage because you agreed to respect her faith. You should have told her you needed her to change faiths right from the beginning as this would have provided her an opportunity to choose whether to be in it or not.
That is why you are facing rebellion when you try to convert her. You must wake up to the reality that she holds her faith dearly, just as you do. At a closer look, religious differences seem to have overtaken your marriage at the cost of its other pillars.
What would happen when you would make your wife realise that you love her for who she is, just as you did when you first married? Of course she would love you back as well. And when she sees how valuable your religion is to this person that she loves, she might love it as well.
Using this platform of love and care, establish open channels of communication between you to discuss this issue. Let her understand that although you had earlier agreed to maintain your different faiths, you need to find a balance.
