CELEB BUZZ: Kristoff is officially the king of collabos - Daily Nation

CELEB BUZZ: Kristoff is officially the king of collabos

Thursday December 6 2018

Kenyan artiste Kristoff.

Kenyan artiste Kristoff. PHOTO | COURTESY 

By PHILIP ETEMESI
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In medieval kingdoms, the coronation of new kings was conducted by oracles or high priests depending on whether that specific society believed in gods like the Greeks or the Almighty God like the Scots.

These people were tasked with the responsibility of placing the crown on the king’s head and proffering him with the powers to govern the land. Today, I appoint myself both Oracle and High Priest. And with immediate effect, I declare Kristoff the king of collabos. You may now rule the land King Christopher.

One thing that has become clear about Kristoff aka Mluhya Wa Busia is that his solo songs are usually shoddy, but when he teams up with another artiste he spits fire like a dragon in “Game Of Thrones”. Tracks featuring his vocals tend to slide to the top of the chats with utmost ease. Most recently, the song “Dundaing” in which he has been featured by King Kaka has cemented this fact.

PARTY ANTHEMS

The song has swiftly become the number one party anthem in the country. Everywhere you check in, your ears are greeted with the lyrics “don’t go, I am kujaing….”

What’s even more awesome about “Dundaing” is that Kristoff completely outshines the owner of the track. His lyrics are fitting and his verses flow like the waters of The Nile.

The song sounds like Kristoff featuring King Kaka, not King Kaka featuring Kristoff. I have on several occasions forgotten that the Kaka Empire CEO was even in it.

It’s never fun to be destroyed on your own song. Jay Z was once destroyed by Eminem in “Renegade” back in 2001 and people keep talking about it to this day. Khaligraph, too, was recently destroyed by Tanzanian rapper Roma in “Now You Know”. If he went back in time and had to do that song again, I have no doubt he would leave Roma out of it.

I’ve said that Kristoff does well on collabos but poorly on solo efforts. Obviously, the most logical way to confirm if something is a fact is to check the statistics. So let’s do that.

Here is a list of bangers that Kristoff was part of. There was “Dandia” which also had King Kaka and Frasha. Matatus and clubs played it so much until at one point the earth’s vast atmosphere contained approximately equivalent amounts of oxygen and “Dandia”.

Then there was “Dirunk” where he teamed up with Gabu and Jalang’o. This was another party anthem that made all drunkards spend their children’s school fees money on liquor.

How can we forget “Tippy Toe”? Kristoff’s chorus made that track so dope that the owner (Femi One) decided she wasn’t going to do hip-hop anymore. She has since focused on releasing songs that sound like that, though she hasn’t been as triumphant doing so.

LESSONS

Another banger that Kristoff starred in was “Gudi Gudi”, a track that made every dance group look good. His co-captains on that one were Everlast and Naiboi. Other songs such as “Eish” and “Here We Go” had too many artistes. I won’t name all of them because if I do, Christmas might find me here.

Now compare those songs to Kristoff’s solo efforts like “Handle It”, “Diambo”, “Niko Fiti” and “Siwezi Borrow”, which have very low views on YouTube. The deejays that had these songs in their hard disks probably even deleted them and made sure to empty the recycle bin. I am certain that even you right there are asking yourself which songs those are. Most likely, you don’t remember them.

Kristoff somehow reminds me of Nate Dogg. The late American rapper didn’t have any good solo songs but his collaborations were out of this world.

It’s interesting that the man who is so good at doing Kenyan pop once started out as a rapper. At some point, Kristoff realised that hip-hop was not for him. He skipped over to the other side and this turned out to be the best decision he ever made.

I think it’s time for him to make another decision. To put it simply, I don’t think Kristoff should ever release a solo track ever again. A wise man takes what works and runs away with it. He doesn’t try to use his weaknesses to create miracles.

Just the way he realised hip-hop was not for him and abandoned it, Kristoff should also make the decision to abandon solo projects. Keep the collabos. That’s the only way he’ll keep the fans dundaing without ever losing relevance.

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