Stella Nyanzi: Spitfire extraordinaire

Friday May 12 2017

Stella Nyanzi, a critic of President Yoweri

Stella Nyanzi, a critic of President Yoweri Museveni, listens to the judge during a ruling in a previous case. FILE PHOTO | ALEX ESAGALA | NATION MEDIA GROUP   

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If ever there was a person that the word spitfire was created for, then surely it must me Dr Stella Nyanzi, whose strangely poetic insults aimed at whoever she deems deserving recently landed her in trouble with Ugandan authorities.

The Makerere Institute of Social Research lecturer called President Yoweri Museveni a “pair of buttocks” in a Facebook post. She was charged for cyber harassment and was released from Luzira Women’s Prison on Tuesday after spending 33 days behind bars. She collapsed as she entered the court in Kampala for the hearing.

But this was not the most outrageous thing she has said or done. You might just collapse in shock when you read about what she has been up to.

She once stripped naked and shared pictures on her social media platforms protesting the closure of her office.

Here are some of the postings of Dr Nyanzi who describes herself as a diehard Facebooker.


On January 28, 2017, she wrote: “Museveni m****o nyo!... I mean, seriously, when buttocks shake and jiggle, while the legs are walking, do you hear other body parts complaining? When buttocks produce s**t, while the brain is thinking, is anyone shocked? When buttocks fart, are we surprised? That is what buttocks do. They shake, jiggle, s**t and fart. Museveni is just another pair of buttocks. Rather than being shocked by what the m****o said in Masindi, Ugandans should be shocked that we allowed these buttocks to continue leading our country…”


When First lady Janet Museveni said that she had forgiven her for her abusive utterances, Dr Nyanzi rejected the forgiveness, saying the President had caused the death of her father.


On March, 30, 2017, she wrote: “She is with a brain tinier than her narrow… dared to forgive me with the big wide twin-producing ... I reject her forgiveness. Did I seek her forgiveness in 2014 when my father, a medical doctor, died from failure to find medicine in a PHC III facility at Kiyumba village? He died that night on the drive to Masaka Hospital in search of one vial of essential medicine. If the Musevenis bought less bullets and tear-gas but more medicines for our public health, my father would be living today. I reject the forgiveness from her tiny … and tinier brains.


On April 4, 2017, she wrote: “Musevenist liars are on a gang-banging spree to rape us again! Their filthy erect penises are this time raping the minds of Ugandans carricatured and conceptualised as too empty-brained to know how taxation processes work in principle. Tax cuts are not made via a newspaper article....”


On April 3, 2017, she wrote: “The Musevenis and Musevenists who have violated every principle of good governance must be shown the evil plight they have generated for three decades. Which man does not wash his genitals simply because they are so painful and sore from the bruises and wounds received during aggressive foreplay, penetration without consent, or the abandonment of a good f**k? Which woman does not wash her genitals because the clitoris is so swollen and sensitive from the ecstatic pleasure gained from orgies of lust and domination?...


On April 2, 2017, she wrote: “Anyone who has made love with me knows that in the throes of ecstasy, I am a screamer. Loud words of endearment passionately hiss out of me when I copulate well with an unselfish lover....If I scream from the pleasure of a lover’s tender love and care, how much more of a ruckus will I make when the gang-bangers raping me keep tearing into me with such intensely searing pain? How much harder will I hurl rocket-propelled grenades of words at the Musevenis and Musevenists who use their disease-infested organs to fuck up all my human rights, civil liberties and constitutional freedoms, here in the motherland?”


On April 1, 2017, she wrote : “They say I crossed the line of decency in my writings about Janet, my rejection of her insult dripping with unsolicited forgiveness, and my f**k-off attitude towards the Musevenis and all Musevenists! They say we need a dialogue. I say, no way am I going to follow in the foot-steps of these bumbling boot-licking peace-brokers who are falling over themselves trying to out-compete each other in showing dangerous Janet that they worship and adore her.

On  March 31,2017, she wrote: “How can you ask me to dip my pen in sweet sticky honey mixed with fragrant cinnamon spices so that I may write pleasing sacharine romance soundbites to the gang-rapists with disease-infected pounders, who brutally murder my Ugandan kin and continue to plunder our motherland?..”