ARUNGA: I’m proud of Vera Sidika for speaking up about domestic violence

Vera Sidika’s Instagram page was absolutely lit yesterday – but not in the best of ways.

The grapevine says that Vera recently broke up with her Nigerian boyfriend for another Nigerian replacement, and her ex wasn’t too happy about it – so much so that he decided that the best avenue forward would be to publish her nudes.

And not necessarily in retaliation, Vera decided to post screenshots and videos of their time together. She said on Instagram that though she had posted pictures of them together and the feedback had been extremely negative, telling her to not go out with the guy, she ignored it and did what she thought was best – to her regret. Because as it turns out, her ex was emotionally and physically abusive – and she has the receipts to prove it.

INSULTING AND LOVING?

In what was a shocking detailed account of their history, Vera’s screenshots showed a clearly disturbed and possessive man who went out of his way to in turn belittle and seemingly edify her, with texts that were at one point loving and at the next insulting. A short shot from her Snapchat shows the aftermath of his beating her, and her talking about it in disbelief, though you can’t see her face in the video.

What surprised me most about this story, however, was that Vera Sidika even said anything in the first place. Many are saying that this may be a publicity stunt for her TV show. Maybe it is, but I find it hard to believe that someone would pretend to have been beaten for the sake of ratings. Then again, it is said that show business is a business like no other, so I can’t tell her motives. But it is telling that the only reason she even spoke out was that he first released her nudes. If he had kept quiet and let sleeping dogs lie – as she says in some of the texts – then she would have done the same.

On a side note, this releasing of nudes by disgruntled exes is becoming more and more atrocious. Just last week a man on Twitter also released his ex’s nudes because she had an abortion. I wonder what the point of releasing these nudes is. Is it just pettiness? Because resolution is not happening after someone releases nudes. After that it is an all-out war. So what was the point, then? Clearly not dialogue. Why would you be so obsessed with hurting someone you supposedly once loved? Did you even love them at all?

Which of course brings us back to men who beat women, and what the role of love is there. You can’t beat someone if you love them. If you do, you don’t actually understand what love is.

These are words I never thought I would say, but I am so proud of Vera for saying that she was beaten, and talking about it, and acknowledging that it was an unhealthy situation she had to walk away from. Clearly there is no limit or criteria that one has to meet to be abused – you can be rich, poor, a socialite, a nun, a mother, a sister – it doesn’t matter. All you have to do, unfortunately, is be a woman. And there are so many women going through the exact same thing, suffering in silence.

Vera’s declaration is important to open the eyes of society to what they think is not going on anymore. Women are still being beaten. Even the women who you think are not. Men are still condoning it, and standing by while their friends do it. We need to talk about this more.