JM Baraza: Leave Subaru-bashing to me - Daily Nation

Blue boxer boys and biased bloggers

Wednesday January 21 2015

Leave the Subaru-bashing to me. I got this.

PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

By BARAZA JM
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This is a clarification and a disclaimer. I do not know any female bloggers,  much less any who have underlying and/or unresolved issues with drivers of blue Subarus.

I did not train, nor did I request any Internet superhero to pick fights with yuppie-grade Six-Star specialists.

I did not ask for any help in disparaging the Boxer Boys. My relation with Subaru (drivers) transcends colour and creed: an Impreza doesn’t have to be blue to get beaten by a Lancer Evolution.

My on-off disagreement with the Subaru fan club is not a judgmental and jaundiced look at their lifestyles, or their romantic capabilities, life choices or financial health; it is a simple debate that is quite easily solved through an orgy of octane overdose, twin turbos, advanced timing, burning rubber, wild understeer, missed gearshifts, shattered valves and bent con-rods. In other words, this is banter between petrolheads, not social commentary.

It is high time prejudiced “keyboard activists” left Subaru drivers alone.

Only I am allowed to poke fun at them. I don’t write about age-disparate, inappropriate, financially-fuelled social pairings involving sugar-parents (daddies or mommies) in my weekly column, seeing how little I know about them.

It is only fair NOT to  include motor vehicles in a questionable write-up involving the devious machinations of scheming trollops; obnoxious opportunists seeking pots of gold where they aren’t supposed to, more so if the author of the said piece thinks a Range Rover Sport is the beginning and the end all things motoring.

Leave the Subaru-bashing to me. I got this.