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LOVE BY VALENTINE'S: Back to square one on Tinder

Monday January 28 2019

I was beginning to enjoy our witty chat when out of the blue he asked me what I was still doing on Tinder.

I was beginning to enjoy our witty chat when out of the blue he asked me what I was still doing on Tinder. PHOTO| FOTOSEARCH 

STACY MAKENA
By STACY MAKENA
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Folks, it looks like we are back to square one after I fell out with all my potential matches last week. I have been forced to overhaul my entire chats and just make new matches.

To be honest, it is quite overwhelming. Going through the pleasantries all over again; name, hobbies, what I do for a living, where I live.

It was so mechanical at some point I had a good mind to have these details on one of my on-screen sticky notes so I just copy and paste but that beats the entire cause of finding genuine love. Sigh!

If you have been following this series, then you remember last week my hopes were soaring.

I had top three picks and a host of other chats that showed great promise of a blissful relationship.

Wait a minute, I actually had a coffee date lined up. Well, the coffee date never happened and I will be spilling those details in a bit.

Also, do you remember Mr Future Tense? The one who made me feel like we were going to know each other for a long, long time? Looks like I got my tenses all jumbled up because he is now Mr Past Tense.

Get some tea and let me tell you about my gruesome week on Tinder.

SPEAK THE TRUTH, SHAME THE DEVIL

Growing up, my devout Christian parents had a mantra they raised us by; "Speak the truth and shame the devil." It was very easy to follow it back then, I took so much pride in shaming Satan.

However, as an adult, I am starting to feel the harsh effect of speaking the truth.

You see, I am no longer as preoccupied with shaming the devil as I am with not hurting or disappointing those around me. Yet, that's exactly what I did last week.

I didn't know that warming up to a potential lover includes telling some " considerate lies" and saying things I didn't actually mean.

I went spitting out truths that landed me smack into the fix I am in now; no boyfriend, not a single coffee date yet and staring at a bleak Valentine's Day.

FALL OUT

Let's start with the coffee guy. We were to grab coffee in town and finally get to meet having had very nice interactions on the phone.

Two days before the set date he sent me a text on WhatsApp saying that that he was starting to like me a lot. It was immediately followed by a text asking whether I had slept alright and what my day was like.

I answered the second text oblivious of the impending hurricane.

He referred to the text about liking me and he added three question marks. I was puzzled and I asked what he meant. Huge mistake!

"You have nothing to say?" he shot back.

"Well, it didn't seem like a question to me, " I replied, a bit confused.

"Oh, so I tell you I like you, and you have nothing to say."

"What should I have said?"

"Anything...a comment is a comment."

"Shouldn't I say what I mean. Shouldn't it be from my heart?"

"You could have even said, oh that's nice let's get to know each other."

"Are you now coaching me on what to say?"

"You know what, never mind. You have a lot of growing up to do. Please, lose my number."

So that one came to a crashing end and yes, I hearkened to his plea and lost his number.

POSSESIVE
The next day, Mr Future texted me on WhatsApp and he sounded very jovial, much to my relief.

I was beginning to enjoy our witty chat when out of the blue he asked me what I was still doing on Tinder.

"Well, it's a dating app and you know, trying to find love,” I replied cautiously.

"So I am not enough for you. What's the plan, meet all the men in there and flip a coin to choose the one?"

Folks, I froze as it slowly dawned on me that I was just about to lose another of my favourites. I hoped with all my heart that he was joking, waited for that ' gotcha! ' moment but alas, he was dead serious.

After I got over the shock, I realised that he was being very hypocritical. First of all, the only way he would have known I am still on Tinder is if he too was in there.

The spirits from my childhood whispered, " Speak your truth" and so I did.

"I do not appreciate the tone of your conversation. I have every right to stay on that app and leave at the time I deem fit,” I replied sternly.

" I just don't want to share you. My feelings get hurt when I see your profile and imagine all the guys looking at it. Yesterday I saw you even added another photo. Why, don't we have something great going here?"

I couldn't believe the nerve. So I went ahead to let him know that the interaction was no longer working for me. That prompted him to drop the act, revealing his true ugly colours;

"Oh thank God you called it quits! Honestly, I don't think we would have lasted a week together. You are very opinionated. It doesn't look nice on a woman."

This fall-out made me question my entire instincts. Just the other day I was telling you how great he is. How he painted a crystal clear picture of our future together. Maybe I am getting rusty at reading people?

NO FRIENDS PLEASE

Finally, believe it or not, I think it is over between me and the guy who gave me heart palpitations last week. Remember the one I said that he showed so much potential that we might as well put an alert on him?

Well, turn of the alert please because I think we hit a dead end last week.

No, he didn't do anything nasty. In fact, that's exactly the problem, he didn't do anything. We kept chatting like old friends. Last week he took the flirting a notch lower, so low that the thrill and heart palpitations are completely gone.

What is exciting about his fear of spiders or that he secretly enjoys eating chocolate?

At the beginning, these stories were adorable because I thought he was breaking the ice. This ice is broken, it is now lukewarm water and I feel myself drowning in the ocean of plain friendship.

You see, I didn't come to Tinder to find a friend, my list of male friends is bloated already. I think I will unmatch him, before he asks me to be his best friend and sends me bff bracelets.

Although I dislike what speaking the truth did to my potential relationships, I am glad it enabled the other shoe to drop. Otherwise I would have been stuck with an overly possessive man, a control freak or another ‘just friend’.

As we approach February, the month of love, I hope great things await me because time is certainly not.

***

LOVE BY VALENTINE’S is a blog series that will run until Valentine's Day. Our writer dreams of finding love by that day and at worst, a memorable date. Follow her adventure every week as she seeks to find love by Valentine's. Got feedback and tips on how she can do this? E-mail: [email protected]

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