It is time couples considered a gift list

There are times when a man, out of sheer luck, gets a woman the perfect gift.

Like jewellery, a slinky, genuine, thin, silver number that sits so beautifully on her neck it looks like it was custom-cut just for her neckline.

Those are rare moments that must be captured on canvas and displayed at an art gallery. More so if this genius of a husband gets his wife’s initials curved on the jewellery, the said wife can only look up to the heavens (after her initial shock, that is) and whisper a thanksgiving prayer;

“Lord, he is coming around. He finally gets it! Thank you,” she must pray.

Whether it is a birthday, wedding, or other celebration that we are invited to and that warrants a gift, I have long learned to depend on my judgement on the kind of gift to get the other party.

But, I guess out of habit, I still seek hubby’s opinion, which I should learn not to because his ideas of gifts, if not outright ridiculous, mostly make the bulk of our family jokes.

A MAN'S GIFT

Most husbands’ idea of gift is red lingerie, handbag, black lingerie, and... their mind goes blank. And for the next 80 or so years that you are together, comedy comes home wrapped as a gift.

Because he runs out of ideas and even after days of deliberating what to buy, he still unleashes something that does not necessarily lead his wife to prayer. For their fourth anniversary, my friend Betty got a handbag. She describes it thus:

“It was this humongous brown and black striped thing, which, much as I tried to smile and tell him thanks, I found myself laughing hysterically.”

Talking of handbags, I did get one too. But it was a basket, though hubby still refers to it as a handbag.

What I think happened was that he was at a corporate function and they got those giveaways that guests are given to take home after the function.

GIFT LIST

It is the only way I can explain that basket finding its way into my home and thinking itself a handbag worth a place on my arm.

You see, for a woman, a handbag is an accessory, a fashion statement that represents her personality, mood, and must fit the occasion.

Therefore, a multi-coloured basket that can comfortably house a chubby toddler does not qualify as a handbag. So as not to sound eternally ungrateful for his gifts, I decided to draw up a gift list.

That way, I get what I want and he does not have to lose sleep figuring out what to get me for my birthday.

I know, it is not romantic, but neither is carrying a basket to the office and having the receptionist send people to you because she figures that your side hustle is selling mandazis. Go figure.

PERCEPTION
It probably has to do with those gender differences or perceptions once again. A woman goes shopping and comes across this cute, fluffy jersey with an adorable print at the front.

She can picture her husband staying warm and looking just as adorable in it. However, when he gets it, he spends the next one year trying to lose it.

Takes the car washing and the jersey is accidentally part of the trash from the boot, or the children somehow got hold of it and now use it during their tug-of-war game.

The wife luckily always rescues the fluffy jersey, but one day she finds the askari back at the farm in the village wearing it and for the life of her she cannot figure how the cute jersey got to him.

That must be where the gift registry idea came from. Newlyweds must have had enough of jugs, flasks, glasses, and trays. I say, live on gift lists!