My husband left me for another; now what?

Q: I have been married 11 years, and my husband and I have two daughters. Five years ago, I found out my husband has been cheating on me. Even with house girls.

Early this year, I came from work and found he had packed his clothes and gone. I called him and he said he was done with me. I’m so devastated.

I had stayed in this marriage through all the emotional torture for the sake of the children only for him to leave us. I hear he is living with an older woman and even drives her car.  What should I do?

The fact that your husband cheated on you several times indicates other, bigger problems in your marriage.

This might also mean that your husband was not committed to the marriage as you were. It is impossible to maintain a relationship when one partner is uncommitted; embracing this hard fact will keep you from blaming yourself for what has happened.

Your husband moving out of your home and into another woman’s shows that he is not interested in this marriage anymore; clinging to it will cause you more upset and harm.

You need to accept his decision; take time to mourn and get over it. Visiting a counsellor will help you to go through the process.

Be aware that emotions can cloud your decision, so find out what is going on within yourself to understand why you are remaining in this unhealthy situation.

I sense you are afraid of what the future may hold; facing the reality that your marriage is over head-on will give you the focus you need to do the things you need to do – including breaking the news to your family, and helping your daughters to cope.

Your husband should cater for the children’s upkeep but it is also important that you look for more ways to meet your children’s financial needs.

Please find ways to handle the children sensitively in order not subject them to further emotional trauma.