My marriage is over; what do I do now?
I have been married to my husband for 13 years. We were childhood friends, high school sweethearts, best friends, and now he is the father of my two children. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP
What you need to know:
All you need is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get tough and get going. The lasting satisfaction of living well without him is worth all the hard work.
You must go on with life and be the strong shoulder your kids can lean on, because they are hurting too.
Do not stay indoors and wallow in pain; talk to close friends and share what you are going through.
Q. I have been married to my husband for 13 years. We were childhood friends, high school sweethearts, best friends, and now he is the father of my two children.
Recently, he told me he is unhappy and that he was going to stay at a hotel for a few days and think. But the days have stretched into months.
Yes, we had been struggling, but I was so caught up in daily family life that I hadn’t noticed just how bad it was. I missed the signs.
He had started coming home late at night and if he came in earlier, he would spend all time with his tablet. He has now asked for a divorce. I am stressed and devastated.
I have been told he is living with another woman in that hotel. I can’t explain the pain I feel. How will I explain this to the kids?
A. It is sad that your husband left you and that you were not prepared for it. You sound like you are in denial, and this may explain why you are so devastated.
While denial is a part of the grieving process, it is important to move forward and not get stuck in the past. The hard truth is that your husband has left and has, in fact, moved on.
Accepting this cold, hard reality will make your healing easier. That said, even though you currently feel like your world has ended, the reality is that you have options.
All you need is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get tough and get going. The lasting satisfaction of living well without him is worth all the hard work.
You must go on with life and be the strong shoulder your kids can lean on, because they are hurting too.
Do not stay indoors and wallow in pain; talk to close friends and share what you are going through.
As for the children, find a wise way of explaining to them according to their ages. Avoid portraying their father as a hero or even as a demon.
No matter what is happening he is still their father, and they will take on the burden of whatever you label him.
Finally, don’t blame yourself for this; he is the one who left, not you. If the pain and depression gets overwhelming and you feel you cannot cope, please see a therapist.
