My wife has left me for another; now what?

Q  I have been with my wife for 14 years, and we have two sons aged seven and 10. I met her when she was 19 and I was 26; she has just recently turned 32.

Three years ago she had a brief affair and I was devastated, but we worked on it and kept our family together. This caused me to have trust issues and caused a few problems.

Later, I discovered that she was seeing someone else. She said she wanted a separation and moved out immediately, leaving me with our children.

She has now moved in with this other man, telling me that I was difficult to talk to.

Do you think she feels as though she didn’t really get to ‘play the field’? Could it be her friends’ influence? Might she really love this other man? Will she come back to me?

A:Several reasons may have caused your wife to leave your marriage. She might have gotten married without really preparing for it.

Secondly, her friends could also have been a great influence, especially if they followed a different path. After she got married, had kids and other responsibilities, the boredom that sometimes comes with being settled may have caused her to envy her still unattached friends. Their lives may have seemed far more glamorous than hers.

Thirdly, she may have given up her dreams for marriage, and now regrets it. Additionally, she may have felt as though she missed out on a stage of life and she may want it now. This affair is the result.

I cannot tell you whether she will come back. But whatever the case, you must know how to deal with this family tragedy in a mature and wise manner, especially for children’s sake; you both need to reassure them that it is not their fault that this has happened.

Even if the split proves to be permanent, you will eventually get through your