Bride-to-be: Wedding planning can be harmful to your health

I had made a decision that I was not going to get stressed planning for this eight-hour event; my wedding. I ducked all the arrows of stress coming my way. But alas, I had no idea how nearly impossible that is.

Let me say it like this; if you do not have a planner, and money sitting pretty in a bank somewhere and you are going to have the whole shebang, then you will get stressed.

It starts with this question ‘When is the wedding?’ Please note you have been telling people for more than six months now and some people still ask.

Are you asking so that you can help? Is it just for information? Are you assuming that by me telling you the date you are automatically invited?

The next question; "How are the wedding plans going?" Again, are you just curious or do you want to help?

Personally I resorted to responding: "They are going." It is vague and really doesn’t lend itself to a follow up question.

Someone who really cares to know what’s up will probe more, give suggestions and leads and offer to help out where they can.

GUEST LIST

My beau and I had put together a guest-list months ago. As we draw closer to the date people are eager and even expect to be invited. People whom I last spoke with years ago and don’t even know my fiancée, are not on my list.

People who are on the hate campaign against weddings; I do not want their bad vibes on my day. People who got married and didn’t invite me to their wedding (am I being petty?) are not getting invited.

Another group that is the bone of contention are relatives that I have never met or last glimpsed me as a baby. I do not need extra expenses but then there are parents who insist that they must be there, never mind you cannot afford it.

They want more guests not factoring in that every extra person is a mouth to feed, transport to sort and God forbid an extra tent to hire.

The next stress-inducing thing is the budget. Already you were sweating as you looked at the quotes in your email and nearly fainted when you calculated the costs.

You show it to your trusted circle who all agree that it is a manageable figure…as you wait for someone from said circle to be the first to jump start fundraising efforts.

You thought that you would find a venue on the outskirts of the city that would deter all the gate-crashers. Your parents ask, “Where is that? How will people get there? No, you have to reconsider.” Never mind that you have paid the deposit.

You make a resolve to quietly rebel. Whoever is meant to be there will find their way there.

You are literally wondering what illegal business you can engage in to fund this wedding.

Many times you have asked yourself, what is the worst that could happen if you pull out now? Would it be too much to ask your guests to pay for their own meal?

Do you have to have décor, I mean as long as people are seated and not burning in the sun, surely all is well.

Between video and photography, which can you do without? He really isn’t bothered. I am a picture person, that is an absolutely must. The video though will capture those unseen moments, the speeches, and his face as he sees me walking down the aisle.

It’s settled; we need both.

TRADITIONAL CEREMONIES

As if having this gentle tug of war with your beau isn’t enough, there are the all-important traditional ceremonies.

You thought that your parents were the modern type and would make things easy. Suddenly your parents transform into strangers you don’t recognize.

Every community has different stages but in the case of intermarriage exceptions are made. Just because exceptions are made doesn’t necessarily translate to the process being easier.

Many of my friends tell me that this is the time your love will be tested. You have to stand up for your man. People will make crazy demands. There will be threats to stop the wedding if you do not comply.

Surely your family would not do this to you? Then you remember how many people had to push forward their wedding; even by years even because of one reason or the other and you can feel the acidity burning in your stomach.

I don’t want to start a fight; I just want to get married.

When I used to hear stories of brides losing weight, I quietly wondered why. Was it that serious? “This is what happens when you bow to pressure,” I naively thought.

Now that I am here, I just want to scream and pull my hair out. If I get any thinner, I will be a walking skeleton.

A friend of mine on noticing my frustration advised; “Don’t get so frustrated that you just decide to let anything go. Remember what you are fighting for.” Another friend said “Have the wedding you want because this only happens once.”

Friends, I am in between a rock and a hard place. Metaphorically I would call this the semi-finals, the last stretch before the finish line. That bit is where you are tempted to give up but it is also where your mind is all that matters and your resolve is all that is pushing you through.

What am I fighting for? To be happy on my wedding day. It’s going to stretch me and maybe hurt me, but he is worth it.

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