Warriors while on the mike, but cowards when their bluff is called

Kenyans react during a political rally in Nairobi on October 23, 2017. PHOTO | FILE | AFP

What you need to know:

  • A more dramatic one was a day when demonstrators picketed outside his office when he was minister.
  • “General” Miguna made to challenge the order as the media cameras clicked.
  • It was when six MPs — Moses Kuria, Mishi Boko, Johnstone Muthama, Ferdinand Waititu, Kimani Ngunjiri, and Junet Mohamed — were arraigned in court after days of cooling their heels in police cells.

Nothing makes the day better for a politician than the sight of microphones, cameras and a crowd. TV cameras in particular puts them on cloud nine. But wait until media isn’t there: A small scare and the politician will bolt away, shaken to the bone marrow.

Take the case of one of the Nasa principals (by the way is that thing still in existence?) well known for tough talk.

Days before the January “swearing-in’ of the “people’s president”, the principal had sworn at a public rally that “round hii sio mchezo! (this time round we aren’t playing around with anybody).

But come the day, he was nowhere to be seen and had switched off all his phones! There were reports he remained indoors after he saw some strange object “thrown” into his compound and thought it was a bomb!

In the 2005 referendum on draft constitution which he opposed, he’d dared the President to sack him from the Cabinet for opposing the constitution if the President “was man enough”. Actually he and the other no-to-the draft ministers were fired. One would have expected the Nasa man to bring down the blue skies down. Instead he just sulked and went home.

A more dramatic one was a day when demonstrators picketed outside his office when he was minister.

SCARED MAN

Instead of facing up to them, the scared man telephoned his wife to come to the basement of the building and sneak him out incognito. In yet another incident when he was wanted by police to record a statement in relation to some impropriety allegedly done by a law firm associated with him, he hid in the office of a certain PS instead of facing the police and prove his innocence or otherwise.

The next episode involved the one and only “General” Miguna Miguna. It was the day the cooked up results of the 2007 presidential election were announced.

He was one of the politicians who had stormed the press centre at the KICC and threatening to raze down the building if his presidential candidate wasn’t declared winner.

Then came in the tough cop, police commissioner Hussein Ali. He ordered everybody to immediately vacate the room. “General” Miguna made to challenge the order as the media cameras clicked. But no sooner the “General” saw the red berets (GSU) march in, he sprinted like a scared antelope.

A tough talking lady politician (today she is Her Excellency Madam Governor) had just been threatening to grab the microphone from Electoral Commission chairman Samuel Kivuitu when the GSU men approached. She ran out like one on steroids in the process losing a shoe. I remember a GSU man remarking as the media crews calmly parked their bags: “Kumbe nyinyi sio waoga kama hawa watu! (So aren’t as cowardly as those people).”

THE SCARED SIX
This one should be fresh in many people’s mind as it only happened last year. It was when six MPs — Moses Kuria, Mishi Boko, Johnstone Muthama, Ferdinand Waititu, Kimani Ngunjiri, and Junet Mohamed — were arraigned in court after days of cooling their heels (no, cooling their automated mouths) in police cells.

In the dock they looked so humbled and ready to go down on their knees if that is what the trial judge demanded asked for them not to be sent back to the cells. One would have though never again shall they allow their tongues to run faster than the grey matter between their ears. But of course, politicians and warthogs have one thing in common — short memory.

Later I asked a cop attached to Pangani Police Station how the MPs behaved when they were “guests” at station. He told me he couldn’t believe it was the same hotheads now looking as scared as school pupils about to be caned!

Another very interesting one I remember was told to me by lawyer-politician Paul Muite. He told that at the height of the crackdown on multi-party crusaders in early 1990s, one way of humiliating arrested politicians was to order ask them to undress in front of interrogators. Once when arrested and locked at the Nairobi Area police cells, he was asked to do get into his natural suit which he promptly did.

As he was taken back to cells, a police officer whispered to him: “You’re a man. When you undressed your flag remained at full-mast. Some of your colleagues have their flags at half mast when ordered to undress. For others, the flag completely disappears between the legs!” Please don’t ask me what the cop was referring to as the “flag”. That one you will have to look for Mr Muite to tell you.

MP IN THE BOOT

Another one involved a MP from Kiambu who usually bragged he could chew nails and had nicknamed himself “General” long before Miguna Miguna came into the scene.

On that day the opposition was on a meet-the-people tour in Kiambu. They’d stopped to address an impromptu rally in Limuru town when a cocky DO by name Geoffrey Gachagua appeared with riot police. The “General” who had been addressing the crowd and swearing how he’d lead demonstrators to evict the President from State House abruptly cut his speech and scampered for cover.

Unable to trace his vehicle he jumped into our car and asked us to drive away at top speed. “This people will kill us!” he kept saying. I told him we couldn’t leave since covering riot police disperse crowds was part of our job. In any case, I told him tear gas never killed anybody. At that point he lay flat at the back seat frantically wishing there was a way he could jump into the boot and shut himself there.

By the way, that notorious DO is today Mr Rigathi Gachagua , the MP for Mathira constituency. Not long ago, he was mentioned in an incident where a goon assaulted a lady election official during a by-election in Nyeri county. We’re yet to hear how the matter ended.

Otherwise we’d be curious to know whether the change of name from “Geoffrey” to “Rigathi” was a Damascus moment and that the honourable member has quit the bad habits of trampling on citizen rights.

***
THORN IN THE FLESH
The last one for today involved an MP known to be a thorn in the flesh of the establishment and for many years lived in self-exile. One day he, with a light touch, made an unflattering comment regarding then Laikipia West MP, GG Kariuki, when contributing to a motion on the floor of parliament.

As he left the chamber, the elderly Kariuki walked right up to him and said: “Young man, you must know I am not your age-mate. Next time you mention my name I will send you back in exile!’
That day the outspoken MP was to appear in a talk show in one of the vernacular FM stations. He never showed up. When asked why, he told the producer he couldn’t because he feared for his life after he was threatened by Mr Kariuki.

When I asked the later about it, he burst out in laugher and said: “You mean that man (the MP) is such a coward? I was just joking!”
However, Mr Kariuki told me there were days when threats were real threats, that is in the early days of independence when the government was determined to scuttle away threat by communist-leaning politicians and trade unionists.

COTU ELECTIONS
He gave me two cases regarding Cotu elections and when state agents pulled out all stops to ensure two radical unionists didn’t take the helm at the labour movement.

In the first case, some mysterious characters appeared at the gate of a trade unionist in the evening just as he had settled for supper.

They gave a parcel to the sentry and asked it immediately be given to the trade unionist. On opening the parcel six live bullets dropped right in the eyes of his family.

The parcel had an accompanying note that read: “These are only half of the 12 bullets we’ve to pump into your body. We thought we should use just six and have your family keep the other six to preserve your memory!”

The man just froze and couldn’t take another spoon from his plate. In the morning he reported the matter at the Central Police Station.

A ballistic expert was called who said the bullets were made in a certain communist country.

COMMUNIST COUNTRY

All of a sudden, the story was changed now to say it is the politician to explain how he came across bullets manufactured in the communist country which were otherwise not available in Kenya.

Meanwhile the government issued a statement to say some communist countries were arming certain candidates to cause chaos at the coming Cotu elections. Feeling cornered, the trade unionist withdrew his candidacy and the matter died just likes that.

In case of the other candidate blacklisted by the state, he received anonymous letter detailing all his movements and those of his family members the previous day. The letter concluded with an ominous note: “If you’re elected Cotu leader we will volunteer to be your undercover bodyguards without pay. However, when we decide, we shall pay ourselves for our services by taking away your head or one of your family members.”

Shaken to the bone, the candidate too, withdrew from the race.

Wow, those were really terrible days!