The last time I wrote about fat women, I got into national trouble. Forgive me but I have to write about these women again. It is time I tackled the elephant in the room once again.
I have been keenly following the ‘plus-size’ debate, especially on social media. For those who have no idea, ‘plus-size’ is a polite code name for fat women.
It is getting out of hand, dear readers. These misguided fat women think that big is beautiful and they are even calling themselves ‘authentic African women’.
What nonsense! I don’t know how many times I am going to repeat this, but big is not beautiful. If you are a woman weighing over 80 kilos, you qualify to be called fat and somebody has to break it down for you and tell you the truth.
You are not sexy. You are just a deluded big mama that needs to lose weight.
There is nothing sexy about being 96 kilos and there is absolutely nothing lovely about those love handles or that paunch.
NO BEAUTY IN BEING PLUMP
And there is definitely nothing sexy about those fat, ill-advised women who post photos of themselves dressed in body contouring dresses and caption them ‘Big is beautiful’.
You are not beautiful and your body needs some work. There is nothing curvaceous about folds of flesh protruding from that poor dress.
You look like a slab of side steak and your body is just a mash up of cholesterol-clogged arteries, high blood pressure and a lot of diabetes.
And, please, will you stop overworking your high heels? Surely women of a certain weight must not be allowed to defile high heels.
Please, let us stop lying to each other that you were born big-boned; that you were always a chubby kid; that you have ‘fat genes’; that everyone in your family is fat so you have the right to be fat. That is hogwash.
Nobody was born fat. You are fat and chubby or whatever you like to call yourself because of your poor eating habits.
You just cannot stop eating the cakes and downing the sodas. Period.
You were a fat child because your mother overfed you and because you didn’t move around enough to burn that fat.
So don’t give us that nonsense of your ‘struggle to lose weight’ and how your obesity has made you have a low self-esteem.
Don’t give us sob stories about how you grew up being teased and called names like kanono because of your weight and that is why you are proud of your body.
Take a look at yourself in the mirror. There is nothing to be proud of. Let me tell you why you are fat. You are fat because of your laziness and gluttony.
That is what has made you into the self-pitying fat woman who cannot get jeans her size.
Are you waiting for your poor veins to finally crush under the immense pressure from your humongous body so that you can realise that it is time you bought a bicycle and spent your afternoons cycling in Karura and not baking overly sugared cakes?
Are you waiting to die of a heart attack before you realise that it is only you and your laziness that stands between you and a great body like that one of your husband’s mistress?
Don’t lie to us that you appreciate yourself as you are and that you love your body - in all its 105 kilos! That is a lie and you know it.
I know you don’t like that fat body and I definitely know that you hate being fat. That is why you will run to social media to attack this size 8 columnist.
You are unhealthy and you know it. You hate the fact that you cannot fit in a single seat in a matatu and you wish you could look at some parts of your body without necessarily using the mirror.
You know you can do better, eat better, exercise more but you won’t.
HIT THE GYM
You just want to sit there in front of the television watching Devious Maids with a king-sized pizza and a bucket of drumsticks.
You have a pretty face with an ugly body but there is nothing you are doing about it. Why? Why are you not running in the morning?
Why do you eat so much food and fill your plate with unhealthy stuff? And why on earth do you feel the need to gobble up so much sugar?
Let’s not even talk about those women who claim to find comfort in food. That is Western nonsense. Leave that to obese American teenagers. You are a grown woman for God’s sake. Think like one!
If you have been dumped by your man and you feel stressed, take a boxing class or run for 10 kilometres.
Don’t sit there with a bucket of ice cream and lie to us that you are stressed. You are just a glutton. A fat one.
I know I am fat-shaming in a national paper but I am not about to apologise to anyone. More so to a fatso that eats fourteen times a day and does not even take the stairs.
Plus-sized women need to wake up. You have children for God’s sake. If you die of diabetes, do you want them to eat their stress away and die of obesity like you?
I have heard some of you claim that your men love you just as you are — your 87 kilos and counting.
Of course he loves you as you are, because he probably doesn’t know what to do with a blob of flesh that spends all morning in bed, eating fatty pancakes and bacon.
I am willing to bet that there is not a single level-headed man in this world who loves a humongous woman; one so huge that she cannot bathe herself well. Surely, you take these men through so much!
Look, I don’t hate fat women. I just hate how they use their weight as a defence, so as to be excused from the truth.
Most of these fat women you see complaining do not even own a skipping rope.
They are all talk and no action. My advice: Shut up and work out.