Lots of people are doing it, so why not talk about it?

It's interesting to me how Kenyans pretend to not be having sex, and then when something sexual pops up on social media, we share it with the enthusiasm of television evangelists asking for seeds to be planted in their burgeoning ministries.

Just look at our hypocritical histories. There was the infamous Bro Ocholla moment, now a verb in itself describing every time someone writes something in a WhatsApp group that wasn't meant to go there. Thank goodness WhatsApp finally got with the program and introduced a delete-message function. We can all now breathe in our serious family groups.

There was also every single nude picture that has been shared that belongs to an MP, or an important person, or the videos going around on that.

Then, of course, there are the instances when there are minors sharing these sexual videos. I don't know if you saw the trend a few weeks ago called “Ifikie Wazazi”. These were teenagers sharing explicit videos with each other online and these videos leaked. The outrage was unanimous, swift and loud.

HEALTHIER ATTITUDES

I’m not here to argue about teens and sex. What I want to talk about is the fact that we are completely ignoring that they are. It is like parents and adults alike manage to completely forget what it was like being a teenager, and that feasibly, most people didn't have their first hint of sexual activity when they were legal at the age of 18. It started way before that. In fact, if the statistics that come out every year are to be believed, then people need to start talking to their kids about sex much earlier than they actually are.

The result is that there are adults going around in our country who have no idea what to do in terms of being responsibly sexually active, and they are perpetuating myths and fairy tales that have no place in a Kenyan audience.

We need to cultivate healthier attitudes towards sex. For example, think about the first time you learnt about sex. Chances are, it isn't your parents who told you, when in an ideal situation, your parents, guardians or trusted adults are in charge of giving you this vital information. It's literally life-changing! And you shouldn't be hearing it from secondary sources, lest you start to believe that a cold shower stops you from getting pregnant.

Most Africans have an unhealthy sexual attitude, without a doubt. We talk about it or do it in the dark, but we must talk about it in the light. It's not a taboo – after all, it's the reason that we're all here. And not talking about it is just so much more dangerous, don't you think?

APPALLING MISCONCEPTIONS

If you talk to just a small sample group of your friends, the misconceptions going around are appalling. The facts are, a lot of people are doing it. That would translate to a lot of conversation about it – but it doesn't.

The way to counter this is to push more dialogue around this matter. Let's talk about sex, baby! There are plenty of forums to educate yourself and your circles.

For instance, the current #FormNiGani campaign on social media. Participants are talking about sex, awareness, but more importantly, what the plan is, in terms of planning your future, which, if we're being realistic, everyone should be doing anyway. They are working to illuminate conversations that are already happening in hiding, so that they can amplify the voices concerned about Kenyans’ views towards contraception, and how that affects us as a nation.

Whether that contraception is abstinence or the pill is not the point. The point is, knowledge is power, and no one should perish because of lack of it.

Twitter: @AbigailArunga