Habits that most rile the French about their English neighbours

Having lorded it over much of the world in the glory days of empire, it would not be surprising to find that many ex-colonials loathe this country.

In fact, it’s our European neighbours, the French, who really can’t stand the English.

Although we and the French fought on the same side against Germany in two major wars, the Germans are the least critical of the two countries.

So what makes the French mad at us? Pollsters quizzed 700 adults in France and listed 20 reasons, including: We drive on the left; we are obsessed with our royal family; we have an excessive interest in football and many fans are hooligans; we can’t cook, we drink too much tea and we put ketchup on everything; we are arrogant and expect everyone to speak English; we have no style and we wear socks with sandals; we have beer bellies and get drunk and sing in the streets and our children are badly behaved.

The survey coincided with a television series by comedian Al Murray entitled, “Why Does Everyone Hate the English?”

IRRITATE

Murray said, “It’s always an eye-opener to find out why you might annoy someone. Often it’s the things you like about yourself, such as drinking tea.

The people next door are always the ones you are most likely to wind up the wrong way. And when it comes to the French, we have been irritating them for a thousand years.”

The researchers also questioned 700 Germans and, comparing the two polls, found that 33 percent of adults in France dislike us compared to just 15 percent of Germans. So do the two European nations find anything to like about the English?

A third of Germans admire our ability to laugh at ourselves and the same proportion of French praise our politeness and good manners. Both nations said we produce great music.

Surprisingly, there seemed to be no mention of frog-eaters or shop-keepers.

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I don’t know which circle of hell is reserved for people like William Billingham, but you can’t help hoping it’s the farthest and the worst.

Billingham, aged 55, flew into a jealous rage when he learnt that his wife, Tracey, had started a relationship with another person.

To deprive her of what she loved most, he seized a knife and stabbed their eight-year-old daughter, Mylee, to death as the little girl screamed, “Please, dad, no.”

Tracey, who witnessed the attack in Brownhills, West Midlands, said, “How can I ever explain how the murder of my beautiful daughter has affected me?”

Judge Paul Farrer sentenced Billingham to a minimum of 27 years in prison.

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It was back in 2004 when Scott Pritchard, 19, was battered to death outside his home in Sunderland. His father, Robert Stacey, was arrested and charged with murder but the case was subsequently dropped.

Last July, 14 years later, Karen Tunmore, 36, confessed to the teenager’s murder. She said she bludgeoned him to death with a baseball bat while seeking to collect a financial debt from him.

She told police she gave herself up because she could no longer endure the guilt.

In a statement read to the court, Mr Stacey said people had continued to shout abuse at him, even though he was cleared and he was frightened to walk through the town streets.

On October 1, Tunmore was jailed for a minimum of 17 years. Three days later, in an extraordinary twist to this drama, Mr Stacey died of a heart attack.

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The research on national attitudes mentioned above referred only to the English, but these islands host Welsh, Scots and Irish people, too, each with their own national proclivities, as demonstrated here:

Four soldiers, one Welshman, one Scot, one Irishman and one Englishman, are captured and condemned to die by firing squad. The enemy offers them one last wish.

Says the Welshman, “I want to hear a thousand Welshmen singing our anthem, ‘Land of My Fathers.’”

The Scot says, “I want to hear a thousand bagpipes playing ‘Flower of Scotland.’”

The Irishman says, “I want to see a thousand Irish dancers performing ‘Riverdance.’”

Says the Englishman: “Shoot me first.”

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Observation might suggest it is the pot calling the kettle black when the French deride English language failures:

What do you call someone who can speak three languages? Trilingual.

What do you call someone who can speak two languages? Bilingual.

What do you call someone who can speak only one language? French.

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Finally, American writer Bill Bryson describes arriving in England for the first time: “All the shop ladies called me ‘Love’, and most of the men called me ‘Mate.’ I hadn’t been here 12 hours and already they loved me.”

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