Mental turmoil after lockdown extended

Finding my way out of Nigeria had become a dream that I needed to forget.

Here I was, uncertain of what to do next and with just a few days’ worth of money left to survive on. I had to look for a solution fast, else I would end up out in the cold.

I had been talking to my mum, friends and colleague Daniel Gikonyo back in Kenya, trying to find a way to get out.

We explored the possibility of any of the East African airlines that fly this route having a flight soon, but we realised that it wasn’t going to happen.

In the next few days, I spent endless hours online, catching up on news, scrolling Twitter obsessively, looking for a glimmer of hope, but there was none.

Matter of fact, the situation was getting worse by the day as Covid-19 cases were rising, both in Kenya and Nigeria, dimming any hopes of the airports being opened.

Just when I was beginning to think that it couldn’t get any worse, on the evening of March 28, President Muhammadu Buhari announced a total lockdown to begin on Monday, March 30.

A daily four-hour window between 10am and 2pm would be allowed for those who needed to buy essentials.

KIND PROPRIETOR

On March 29, the indefatigable and dependable Lanre took me shopping and I stocked up on stuff to see me through two weeks.

In Lagos, the reality of the virus was becoming more and more visible. At the supermarket, social distancing was strictly adhered to and we were only allowed in one at a time after observing the various hygiene measures put in place.

My new hotel offered breakfast only. We were to cater for other meals. I spent my days locked up, sleeping most of the daytime and chatting on WhatsApp with friends and family. I would then spend the night poring over information on the virus online.

Over the course of one week, it became more and more apparent that this situation would not be coming to an end soon.

I needed to start planning how I was going to survive on little or no money. After trying unsuccessfully to negotiate with the hotel to lower the charges, I decided it was time to move.

I looked for cheaper accommodation online, and on Monday, April 7, Lanre and I went to view an affordable place I had found online. StayCation Hotel in Anthony Village, Lagos, has been my home.

The Nigerian owner was to travel to the UK, where he lives with his family, but had to cancel the plans after airports were closed.

He empathised with my situation and even gave me a discount considering I was going to be here indefinitely.

SEEKING HOPE

The second week of the lockdown was not as difficult as the first. I was almost sure that come the following Monday, which was when the lockdown expired, the airport would be opened and I would fly home.

I would spend endless periods of time in my room, and my landlord (for the sake of this story, this is how I will refer to him) and the two women workers got quite concerned.

With time, they realised that I was just a hermit; therefore, they had nothing to worry about.

Whenever I got out to enjoy the evening breeze on the balcony, my landlord and I would talk for hours on end, trying to give ourselves hope of going home in the coming week.

On the downside, this facility did not offer food, but I discovered I could order online. I would eat one meal a day since I didn’t move much.

The Monday I had been looking forward to came. However, President Buhari extended the lockdown by two weeks and said nothing about reopening the airport.

This is when things fell apart. Fatigue and depression set in. I became confused and fearful, hopelessness and loneliness engulfed me. I began to have thoughts of a myriad bad things happening to me.

PANIC ATTACK

I feared the possibility of getting the virus and having to go to a quarantine centre. I also feared not seeing my two children and family ever again; worse yet, dying and getting buried here.

Thoughts about my money running out assailed me too. Where would I stay? What if this situation dragged on for many months?

I have a phobia of living in other people’s homes based on previous bad experiences. What if it came down to that? I had anxiety attack after anxiety attack just at the thought of all these depressing possibilities.

Ms Ndinda is Research Manager, Transform Research Africa Limited. She is stuck in Nigeria, where she has been since March 21. MONDAY: There is no hope of returning to Kenya any time soon. To make my dwindling cash stretch longer, I further cut my meals from one per day to one every three days.