Rains are here, someone call the Red Cross

Ladies and gentlemen,
This is your weatherman speaking.

I have scanned the skies and what do I see? There is nothing but trouble waiting for you, especially if you are a peasant farmer in Rift Valley or a tourist in the Samburu plains.

Our satellite images show that more people will be promoted to glory. No, not because of fresh violence or drought. They are more likely to be washed away by floods sweeping across the country.

The early warning systems installed by the US government at a cost of Sh2 billion also show that the bridges that Chinese contractors have been building at night to keep their technology secret could be washed away. And in the next few days, it is likely that impassable roads will stop children from getting to school.

Due to the declining value of the Kenya shilling — caused by tension in the Grand Coalition — and the rising cost of fuel globally as a result of the Nigerian president’s ill health, the government is unlikely to afford fuel for helicopters to evacuate marooned families.

Those who have reason to believe that their villages will be flooded in the next few days have been asked to obey their gut feeling and move to higher ground.

Meanwhile, we are calling on donors and well-wishers to provide blankets, clothes and dry foods for the families who will be sleeping in the cold. Remember that these people’s right to life is protected in the old constitution as well as the proposed one.

Those with medicines have also been asked to donate because our satellite images show that there is likely to be an upsurge in cases of malaria, typhoid, swine flu and other diseases associated with lots of water in areas with few latrines.

We will also not turn away those willing to donate syringes, especially for children. Public hospitals are running short due to stringent procurement rules meant to fight corruption but which have instead put the little ones’ lives at risk.

We are appealing to the Cabinet — which has not met for three weeks now — to put the procurement rules on hold and form a company to import an emergency consignment of syringes. This is an emergency with implications on national security.

It is likely that some politicians will make Sh1.5 billion in profits from the consignment, but what is Sh1.5 billion when the lives of a million children are at risk? Democracy is expensive, especially in a certain community where nursery schools do not have children because young men take lethal brews that make it difficult for them to fulfil their patrimonial obligations.

Meanwhile, farmers in the bread basket regions have been warned against celebrating the rains just yet. These rains are neither normal nor near-normal. They are caused by global warming. Even when the temperatures plummet and it snows in Nyahururu and adjoining areas, remember that this is also caused by global warming. We must all plant more trees to stop global warming.

As you can see here, our satellite images show that there could soon be a maize glut in the country. Millers have been put on high alert to throw away any excess maize well before the next drought. And do not be misled by the dams which have been filling up. Our early warning systems show that these dams do not have the capacity to hold water for long so we will next week urge dam managers to let the water flow downstream.

Remember that by downstream we mean the Tana plains and adjoining areas of Coast Province, which are likely to be flooded by water from the highlands even though the Coast will not have received “manyunyu ya hapa na pale” (scattered showers).

Families living in this region are advised to start moving upstream to plead with dam managers for their lives. Electricity consumers are also strongly advised to join these demonstrators if they wish to see the cost of power come down any time soon.

If you look at our satellite pictures, you will notice people in Nairobi scampering. No, they are not running away from riot police. They are looking for a place to shelter after a freak downpour at rush hour. Do not forget that in the city, about 60 per cent of buildings are not safe.

Beloved viewers, remember to dress warm, sleep tight and let’s meet here tomorrow for the next weather update.

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What is all this noise over abortion about?

Dear politicians and church leaders

I had hoped that the time would never come when I would raise the small matter of your disagreements on abortion and whether these matters should be included in the proposed constitution.

To be honest, I am still at sea over what it is you are disagreeing about. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that doctors have something to do with it.

Some time back, they tried to argue that the proposed constitution would criminalise some of the abortions they would opt for based on their professional assessments. But when I looked at Clauses 25 (1) to (4) of the proposed constitution, I did not see why they were concerned. That piece of law is crystal clear. Abortion is permitted if and only if a doctor believes that a mother’s life is at risk. This is an acceptable practice and cannot be faulted legally, morally or philosophically.

However, it would appear the bone of contention is whether life begins at conception or at birth. I am not in a position to answer this and I suspect, neither are you. What I do know, however, is that if a pregnant woman goes for a scan a few weeks after pregnancy, the images would show a tiny human being blissfully playing in the womb. Depending on the time, it might have features that are clearly human.

So if science and technology show you that there is life before conception, I do not know what there is to differ about, especially if you are arguing from a professional point of view and not a moral one such as the one I am wont to adopt.

I have also heard it said that there are people who want the entire section 25 (2) expunged from the constitution.

The section states: “The life of a person begins at conception”.

Those opposed to the clause would rather that the matter be left to a subsidiary legislation. The impression I get from this argument, I am sorry to say, is that those who support it would rather go against an Act of Parliament than the Constitution. If I am wrong, I would be happy to hear from you. But please make your argument cogent so that I can see where you are coming from.

That said, I do not know what religious leaders are exactly opposed to because, as I have said, I have read the relevant section of the proposed constitution and it sounds just fine. If anyone has to write a subsidiary law to allow abortion, it must be debated in Parliament and the public will make its input when the time comes.

We cannot, therefore, cross a bridge before we get to it because that day may dawn when it would be rational to pass a law allowing abortion in instances other than when a mother’s life is in danger.

But the point I am making is this. Kindly let me know what it is you are disagreeing about.

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A world of difference in priorities

Ah! How different priorities are for us in Africa and our counterparts in the developed world! As we debate important matters of State and seek to chart the way forward for our fractured nation, in Switzerland, voters are waiting for the results of a referendum on whether animals have a constitutional right to be represented in court.

According to the BBC website, animal rights groups argue that appointing state-funded lawyers would ensure animal welfare laws are upheld and help prevent cases of cruelty. The government, on the other hand, is asking voters to reject the proposal.

It is not that Switzerland does not have a state counsel to speak out on behalf of animals, it has. In the past, according to BBC, he has represented dogs, cats, cows, sheep and even a fish, which was probably destined for the dinner table before he intervened. Now, animal rights groups want more lawyers to help him.

So, is Switzerland and its Cabinet sharply divided over this matter? Or are they used to the idea of referenda that as far as they are concerned, this is just one of many? Or is it that in Africa, every issue is a question of life and death?

Maybe we need a referendum on whether we should have a referendum on the constitution.