What coronavirus can teach us about weddings, funerals

Funerals and weddings in Kenya are well-known to be the times of excesses.

The phrases ‘befitting send-off’ and ‘grand wedding’ are the generally accepted euphemisms for the extravagances witnessed during these ceremonies.

The financial pressure that accompanies these two rites of passage is often passed on to close relatives and friends, who go to great lengths to fundraise so that they can help meet societal expectations of what a befitting send-off or grand wedding should look like.

But if there’s anything that the restrictions about Covid-19 have taught us, it is that these two ceremonies can survive and thrive without the excesses that accompany them.

Experiencing love or grief should be an intimate affair and Covid-19 has painfully reminded us of this.

The requiem mass of firebrand preacher Ndingi Mwana a’ Nzeki would ordinarily be attended by thousands of people, but it had less than 100 because of the strict measures by the Ministry of Health to combat Covid-19.

BEREAVED FORGOTTEN

If this was not the case, millions would have been spent for a “befitting send-off” and the pews would have been packed with politicians, each itching to say a word at the funeral, more for political mileage than to console the bereaved.

What a relief it must have been for his loved ones and colleagues for their grief not to be tainted by empty rhetoric. It was a simple affair, as all funerals should be.

President Uhuru Kenyatta, however, promised to set aside a day the life of Ndingi would be celebrated after the Covid-19 pandemic is contained.

Most families are not as privileged and often shoulder the burden of grief alongside the financial one because at most funerals, people expect to be fed, and sometimes transported and accommodated, shooting the costs sky-high.

It’s absurd that those left behind — the widowers, widows, orphans and other dependants - are not part of the budget and are often left to their own devices once the funeral is over. So who really benefits from the befitting send-off?

The millions or thousands raised during funeral harambees would make sense if they went to help the bereaved long after they buried their dead instead of buying an extra bull for the guests.

SIMPLE AFFAIR

Weddings are also a study in overindulgence - from outfits that will be worn for just one day to top-notch menus and décor, among other mind-blowing expenses.

But on April 1, 2020, Francis Gitonga and Veronica Njeri celebrated their wedding in Nyandarua County in a record 30 minutes and with a very low budget.

Instead of the 500 guests they had initially planned for, they had only three: the presiding minister and the best couple.

The story made it to the news because it went against Kenyan standards. Speaking to Daily Nation, Ms Njeri said that she’s now happy that she is with the love of her life.

Mr Gitonga was equally joyful that they had spent very little for the wedding “unlike other couples that spend up to Sh500,000 in procuring services like outside catering, photography, seats and transport”.

Singer Jennifer Lopez was right, after all, when she sung that “Love Don’t Cost a Thing”.

FINANCIAL STRESS

Perhaps Mr Gitonga was referring to a story that was told about a couple in Kisumu who allegedly committed suicide four days after their wedding because of the debts they got into in pursuit of an over-the-top wedding.

While the story turned out to be fake, there’s nothing but the truth in the pain and financial stress of planning a wedding that young couples often face.

This financial stress gives birth to wedding committees and this load is passed on to friends and relatives, all in a bid to feed chicken and pilau to hundreds.

Kenyans are heavily invested in the idea of grandeur when someone dies or gets married, but the Covid-19 pandemic should provoke us to re-examine and reconsider this culture.

Maybe the pandemic is the painful and necessary path that will lead to the paradise of such an achievement.

The writer comments on social and gender topics. [email protected]; Twitter: @FaithOneya