Women and feminism are not to blame for men’s problems

I read Purity Wanjohi’s article last week titled “Feminism will fail if women continue to leave men behind” with growing consternation. Her sweeping arguments and generalisations about feminism left me deeply troubled.

I agree in principle with some of her assertions — for example, when she implied that we need men as partners in the quest for gender equality.

The first half of her article acknowledged that feminism is ideally meant to fight for equal rights for men and women. I fully endorse this view.

I once watched a lacklustre movie which had surprisingly profound life lessons about the role of men in the society today.

The 2011 movie, Without Men, follows the lives of women in a remote Latin American town who are forced to reinvent their lives and fend for themselves when their men are forcibly recruited by guerrilla fighters.

WARPED VIEW

Spoiler alert: Chaos ensue without men. And when the men finally return home, they struggle to find their place in a society where women have found ways — albeit self-destructive ones — of coping without them.

For me, Without Men is a metaphor for an ill-advised narrative that feminists are man-haters who can do without men.

This is the kind of narrative perpetuated in part by an article like Ms Wanjohi’s. In the second half of the piece, she says, in part: “It almost seems like now is the women’s turn to ‘eat’ … Instead of having a society where men and women are equal, what we have are strong, independent women and weak, contemptible men … Modern feminism is hurting women again.”

This is a warped view of feminism. First of all, what’s the measure of man’s weakness?

Is the writer suggesting that the measure of a man’s weakness is a woman’s strength and independence?

And should the woman then “tone down” her strength and independence to accommodate the so-called weak and contemptible men?

COMPETITION
And who are these weak and contemptible men the writer keeps referring to? Because there are many men I know who would scoff at such a description of them.

Ms Wanjohi’s arguments and sweeping generalisations only serve to perpetuate a common myth in Kenya that feminism is toxic and that it ostracises men.

A glance through various social media discussions and my experience and interactions with men and women alike have confirmed to me that feminism is often synonymous with competition with men.

It doesn’t help much that we grew up with twisted phrases like: “What a man can do, a woman can do better”.

While this was meant to cure the gender imbalance in many spheres of our lives and get rid of any feelings of inadequacy we had as little girls, the phrase served more to entrench a distorted sense of importance over boys.

BLAME GAME

Of superiority over men. If you are a parent who’s still preaching this inane philosophy of girls’ ability to outshine boys in what they do, please stop in the name of love.

What vexed me about the article was the insinuation that women are to blame for men’s problems, as the writer assumes all feminists are women.

They are to blame for how “poorly” men have turned out: depressed, unsure of themselves, suicidal, frustrated, shy, angry, violent and generally weak.

“To show assertiveness and remind them of who’s ‘boss’, these men, due to lack of confidence, resort to physically assaulting and abusing women … Not once do we stop to ask why a man would act like this. Not once do we perceive this as a cry for help,” she writes in part.

Ms Wanjohi seems to be confusing domestic violence with the effects of feminism.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

When a man lays his hands on a woman, it’s domestic violence, not a consequence of feminism and if anyone should be crying for help, nay, shouting for help, it should be the woman on the receiving end of the blows and kicks. Are we together?

This view also borders on victim-shaming and completely absolves men of any responsibility for their character because, after all, it’s the feminist who created this monster.

Women and feminism are not to blame for men’s problems.

There are a number of exemplary men I’ve met for whom feminism is not a threat.

Perhaps the most prominent feminism ally we all know is Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who has woven feminist ideals into almost every aspect of his leadership.

We need more men like him. As we celebrate International Women’s Day, let’s consider also that it’s about time more men became allies of feminists.

The writer is editor, Living Magazine ([email protected])