The search for the most lucrative career in Kenya was called off this week after ‘a certain Rashid Echesa’ gave two visitors a 23-minute guided tour of the Deputy President’s office and walked away a millionaire for it.
Every year, national exams achievers tell us how they aspire to be neurosurgeons and rocket scientists, but after the events of this past week, they must be scratching their heads wondering why they didn’t consider working in the Deputy President’s office as the official boardroom tour guides.
If there is a government entity that must be relieved about this latest discovery, it has to be the Kenya Tourism Board, which now has new ideas on marketing Kenya’s tourism heritage outside our national parks, and Eliud Kipchoge.
Necessity is undoubtedly the mother of invention. Who knew that at a time when the country is fighting a shrinking revenue base, someone would come up with a revolutionary idea to expand Kenya’s foreign exchange portfolio?
Thanks to Rashid Echesa, the government must move with speed to gazette the Deputy President’s boardroom as a tourist attraction site, and start collecting official revenue from the visits thereafter.
MAKING ENDS MEET
Since the news broke out this week, those who have been laughing at Dr William Ruto for appointing himself the President of Kenyan Hustlers do not know where to hide their faces anymore.
He has been telling those who care to listen that he has a solid plan to empower jobless Kenyans, and from the events this week, it seems clear his job creation plan has started with those willing to make money from the gullibility of foreign investors.
You have to marvel at the ingenuity of this plan, which only targets foreign investors who have money and don’t mind splashing it.
Dr Ruto doesn’t always get the credit he deserves, but by sparing Kenyans who are already overburdened by debt repayment and job losses, we have to give him an ‘A’ for empathy.
Meanwhile, politicians are also resorting to scamming as their side hustle because we understand the economy is difficult and everyone needs a second job to survive.
When those entrusted with providing opportunities for jobless Kenyans become the same ones engaging in unorthodox ways of earning a living, that should be the first red flag that this country has gone to the rats since it looks like the dogs declined the invitation to associate with its mess.
On the face of it, scamming gullible investors may look like a lucrative venture worth considering.
These scammers ride in high end cars with customised plates and personal security, eating in restaurants that tax money cannot afford, while those living according to God’s teachings are struggling for tips on how to dodge threatening calls from stone-faced landlords and mobile money shylocks.
However, it quickly dawns on you that your primary school head teacher was right when they told you that you cannot drop out of school and still master the art of reading and writing other people’s signatures.
There’s a reason the Kenyan military conducts a rigorous recruitment exercise for women and men of courage, because no one wants a soldier who uses his mouth as a weapon, and who can’t face the cameras when called upon to defend their actions.
For a long time, the hustler’s movement has made us believe that Kenya has a shortage of fools. But from the press statement that came from the Deputy President’s office disowning Mr Echesa and his foreign friends, it is becoming clear we might, in fact, have a surplus of them.
That people have to come out strongly to disown their bosom buddies just goes to show that no one wants to be jobless in this tough economy, and loyalty is just another word in the dictionary.
If you can call the cops on those who consider you their bosom friend, how do you convince Kenyans you’ve never met to trust you with their future when they go to the ballot to elect new leaders, and old criminals?
If you can disown your friends in their hour of need, how sure are Kenyans that you will sustain the friendly diplomatic ties we have with our neighbours when this relationship doesn’t suit your personal interests or your public image?
The government needs to clarify for us if the Offices of the President and his Deputy are truly free for all to visit, as is being claimed by Dr Ruto.
We just want to take photos inside the boardrooms, without our foreign friends, and in less than 23 minutes.
It might be the only Jubilee government promise that Kenyans might see actualised, now that they are building bridges instead of stadiums.
Mr Oguda comments on topical issues; [email protected]