In 365 days of activism, I’ve witnessed gender violence in all its manifestations

Activists march in Kibera, Nairobi against gender-based violence. A new report singles out Mombasa, Machakos, Samburu, Kisii, Kilifi Busia and Meru counties as the worst hit by cases of gender violence, including rape, battery and beatings. FILE PHOTO

What you need to know:

  • No day passes without me having an encounter with gender violence — a woman with a broken limb, a lost tooth, a stab wound.
  • Many of the rich live in denial with a false smile on their lips, while inside they are hurting. 
  • In my own community, when a parent cannot raise school levies, the son is given the first priority, even if the daughter does better in class.

As the world marks 16 days of activism, mine is 360 days. No day passes without me having an encounter with gender violence — a woman with a broken limb, a lost tooth, a stab wound.

Once in a while, I meet a man with a deep cut, or whose manhood has just been attacked either by his wife or a suspecting husband.

Indeed, every morning when I go to work, I am always psychologically prepared for anything. GBV is a universal problem affecting both men and women. However, the magnitude differs from nation to nation, region to region and community to community.

Violence against women is so rampant in some communities that it has become acceptable. My opinion on ending gender-based violence lies in the way we socialise our children, both boys and girls.

GBV is a parenting issue. In many families, the boy-child is deemed to be superior. What do we tell our sons when they come into the house crying? “Stop crying like a girl”.

As a parent, you have just created a man that will never respect a woman. When teachers appreciate a girl who is doing well by saying “She is very bright, she even beats boys in her class”, you have just disempowered the girl.

I have always been shocked at how casually our communities treat violence against women and girls. A crime as serious as defilement never reaches the courts, since most of the time, compensation is paid at home and never benefits the victim.

I equally get shocked at the condemnation that a few courageous people who dare go to court get from the same community for causing someone unnecessary suffering. Woe unto you if the person is sent to prison!

There is a need for concerted efforts if we hope to curb GBV. Everyone needs to appreciate that GBV is a serious problem in our communities that needs everyone’s contribution to stamp out.

This calls for everyone doing the right thing. The victims need to speak out openly. Victims have a big role to play to end GBV because as long as they do not break the silence, the vice will go on.

This culture of silence is more common among the elite, who think GBV is for the poor and uneducated. When it happens to them, they feel too ashamed to speak out because of their status. This is the lot that lives in denial with a false smile on their lips, while inside they are hurting. 

Parents need to learn not to discriminate among their children on the basis of their gender. They need to teach their children to respect each other and treat them according to their abilities.

In my own community, when a parent cannot raise school levies, the son is given the first priority, even if the daughter does better in class.

I have seen incidents where the girl is either married off or sent to do domestic work in order to raise money to pay the brother’s fees. 

I do not consider it a shame, failure or taboo for anyone to walk out of an abusive relationship especially where life is threatened. I have often wondered why men and women hold on until one day, a parent kills the whole family.

Service providers have added fuel to the GBV fire by making it hard for victims to get help. Demands for bribes is both justice delayed and denied.

This is a big problem when victim are seeking P3 forms to seek legal redress. The police will demand a bribe ranging from Sh1000 to Sh3000 before making available and filling the form. Legally, this form should cost Sh100. Some clinicians also demand bribes before filling in the medical report apart from the Sh1000 paid for the hospital seal.

The police have in some cases done a shoddy job while carrying out investigations either because they are overwhelmed by the number of cases, or they do not care.

I wish magistrates knew the pain they cause the victims when perpetrators buy justice. Recently in Butula, a mother and her disabled daughter were rescued after the mother locked herself and her daughter in a house and set it ablaze after the court ruled in favour of the perpetrator caught defiling the girl.

We all must come together to kick GBV out of our houses, communities, regions and nation. Make it your personal commitment because “it all starts with me!”

Ms Makokha is the Executive Director, Rural Education and Economic Enhancement Programme based in Butula, Busia County.