Dear captain, make your last tourney enjoyable

What you need to know:

  • I often see draws that have over 250 golfers and wonder how they can all possibly finish their round.

Back in the 1990s, I had a stint working in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. My Tanzanian colleague, Emmanuel Ndambala, was the ever gracious host.

I however did not realise that one of my habits was wearing his patience thin. When we met with our clients, some would ask, “wewe ni Mkenya?” (are you Kenyan?). The first few times I took no notice of the question and quickly acknowledged that I am indeed Kenyan. After being asked the same question a few times, I asked my host Emmanuel if my Kiswahili accent was that different from the Tanzanian one.

At that point, the ever polite Emmanuel could hold it in no more…

“Sio accent yako Vincent. Wewe hauamkui jamaa” (it is not your accent Vincent. You are not greeting the chaps). The fieriness in Emmanuel’s response took me aback. He went on to tell me how rude my greetings were. According to him, I had “maamkuzi ya Kikenya” (Kenyan greetings). I said “hello” and then went straight to the point. To be polite apparently, I had to spend a bit more time on pleasantries. He went on to give me a lecture on the proper use of Kiswahili words and phrases.

He had had it with Kenyans use of words like “nipe” (give me) and insisted that I have to use the politer version “naomba” (I request). I was supposed to say “niwie radhi” (excuse me) instead of making the “tsk tsk” sounds to call a waiter. Why are Kenyans always rushed and angry? He wondered.

I took Emmanuel’s advice and for the rest of my stay in Tanzania, I had more pleasant interactions with our clients. All was well until I returned home. The first Kenyan I met was an immigration officer. My greetings were met by an irritated, mumbled grunt. On the golfing scene however, the captains are falling over themselves as they try to outdo each other on who will create the worst last impression.

After an illustrious year doing a job that is very demanding, they will host golfers to the worst tournament in the year; the dreadful Captain’s or Lady Captain’s Prize.

Most of these are oversubscribed and to rub salt into the wound, they set up the course at its most difficult. The tees are set at the furthest possible point and the pin positions are set on the part of the green where a ball cannot possibly stop. The result of such tournaments is an unpleasant experience where many of the players have to wait for the group ahead to play their shots and then see the sun set long before they finish their rounds.

In most cases, the captains do not know how many golfers their courses can accommodate. I often see draws that have over 250 golfers and wonder how they can all possibly finish their round.

Let us use an example of an 18-hole golf course.

Assuming that it takes a four-ball two hours to complete nine holes (a remarkable feat). Also assuming that the groups start simultaneously from the first and 10th holes at 10 minute intervals (the least recommended interval for four-balls). If the first groups tee off at 7am, ceteris paribus, they will finish nine holes at 9am. Since the players will proceed to play their second nine, the last morning group will tee off 9am. That will mean 13 flights of four-balls will have played in that time. This is a total of 104 golfers in the morning session.

If the first afternoon tee-off is 11.30am (assuming that the last morning group have started playing their second nine at about 11.10am), then using the same argument, the last group will be teeing off at 1.30pm to allow the 11.30am group to start playing their second nine. If this is the case, then only 208 golfers can be accommodated on the golf course for both the morning and afternoon rounds. Reducing the starting intervals to eight minutes for four-balls in the attempt to accommodate more golfers just increases congestion on the course.

Golf captains must then ensure that there is maximum enjoyment of the tournament by setting up the course to allow for good scores. The pin positions must not be difficult and the course set up shorter than when the club championships are played.

Dear Captain, please ensure that the last tournament that you oversee is enjoyable and well run. If I cannot be assured of pleasurable experience (a draw of 270 players), I am afraid that I will be pulling out of the event.

I am sure that those that will come will not enjoy the round. I am sure that you don’t want to be remembered for hosting a bad final round of golf in your tenure. Or do you?