How to be a good mother-in-law while staying close to your son
All humans yearn for a mother’s love.
What you need to know:
- When your husband’s mother takes sides with her son, you are reminded that she is not your mother.
- Just as it is heartbreaking when a stepchild craves the love of their stepmother, only to be denied the same love and it reminds them that they do not have a mother to run to.
Love is a balm. It cures, mends, and enriches relationships. It gives us oomph in our steps, a glow in our cheeks, and a sparkle in our eyes. We feel lighter, smile brighter, and love better when showered with love. That is why the cut of rejection is deep when this love is denied. The loss of love causes a heart wound, a heartbreak. Love is not unique to humans. Animals too experience and express it, sometimes, even better than us.
So what does love or lack of it have to do with the mother-in-law? A lot. A mother, whether she be a step, foster, or in-law is automatically associated with love, just like we associate a father with protection.
Unfortunately, many times, a stepmother and a mother-in-law are associated with everything except love. Are these mothers horrible humans or do we place high expectations, and consequently harsher judgment on them?
It is common to hear nasty experiences about these women.
“My mother-in-law rejected me months after marrying her son. I was never good enough according to her,” Esther shared during a divorce care workshop.
“She was a key factor in our divorce,” Esther went on.
Rude shock
She explained how her mother-in-law was blind to her son’s violent and adulterous behaviour and even justified it.
“She added fuel to an already volatile relationship. I am traumatised by the idea of another marriage because I cannot stand another mother-in-law.”
On the other hand, Wambui had a better experience with her mother-in-law.
“If it was not for my mother-in-law, depression would have killed me. She was the mother I needed when my ex-husband, her son, became an intolerable brute,” Wambui said adding that her mother-in-law is the one who took her for her first therapy session.
“Mind you, I had reported her son to the police for assault.”
The experience of those who lost their biological mothers early in life is equally moving.
Such people enter marriage with lofty ideas about a mother’s love but are in for a rude shock. When they get married, they have grand expectations of the unconditional mother’s love they will receive from their mothers-in-law. Like Esther, many receive a nasty experience.
All humans yearn for a mother’s love.
This love is an important component in a child’s life. The loss of a mother leaves a child love-starved. This wound is deep.
A mother’s love starts as a divine connection from when the foetus is in the womb. From the terrible twos to the annoying teenager, a mother’s love remains steadfast and unconditional.
When a child loses a mother, the vacuum left is deep and the longing even deeper. A motherless child spends most of their time dreaming of a mother, a home, and of love. To cope, an orphaned child builds an imaginary family.
Spread the love
When a child who lost a mother gets married, they hope to find a mother in their mother-in-law.
Unfortunately, not every mother-in-law is willing to open their heart and be a mother to another woman’s child. More so, when that child is an adult married to their child and they get into conflict. When there is a dispute, naturally, a mother-in-law will side with her child and automatically consider you an enemy.
Those who lost a mother lose her again and again when they face rejection from a mother-in-law.
When your husband’s mother takes sides with her son, you are reminded that she is not your mother. Just as it is heartbreaking when a stepchild craves the love of their stepmother, only to be denied the same love and it reminds them that they do not have a mother to run to.
In this month of love, even as you await grand expressions of love from your lover, please extend a mother’s love to a child.
Are you a step or foster mother?
Are you a mother-in-law?
You have a noble calling to spread your love to another woman’s child.
If you are a mother-in-law, find it in your heart to love another woman’s child, like a mother.
